It’s no secret that relationships can be messy – especially when your partner has children with their ex, and that ex doesn’t seem to approve of you. 

This is something Kourtney Kardashian may know all too well, as rumours of a feud with her husband Travis Barker’s ex-wife continue. 

Not only is this scenario awkward, it can make things tricky in your current relationship, not least because the happiness of your partner’s children will be their priority. 

When dealing with a partner’s salty ex. engaging in the toxicity can feel fleetingly good, but it’s likely to cause problems in your relationship.

According to Rhian Kivits, a Relate trained sex and relationship therapist, there’s a few reasons for this.

‘Firstly, your partner may feel as though you are making things harder for them, since dealing with their ex may already be difficult,’ she tells Metro.co.uk.

‘They may also feel torn and guilty because they may feel obliged to support you, but they must also consider how the children feel, especially when the children are likely to support their other parent.’

On top of that, she adds, ‘you may waste precious time talking about the gripes you have about your partner’s ex which can feel negative and distract you from your own relationship.’ 

For this reason, the best thing you can do is simply keep out of it, and ignore any attempts to drag you into the drama.

So, what should you do?

Communicate with your partner

First thing’s first, you need to get your partner’s take on things. 

‘Get clear with your partner about the role they want you to take with their ex, how much communication they want you to have and where the boundaries lie,’ says Rhian. 

‘It helps to be on the same page as a couple.’

Walk away from drama 

Next, don’t get sucked into any drama, if not only to protect your own reputation.

‘Walk away before communication escalates into drama,’ says Rhian.

‘It is better to take the higher ground and be the better person because then you can’t be accused of instigating problems.’

Stay off socials

Finally, says Rhian, ‘never air disagreements or criticisms of your partner’s ex on social media, as this can become extremely awkward and friends and family members may feel like they have to take sides.’

On top of that, don’t follow your partner’s ex on socials, especially if they’re someone who likes to share not so subtle indirects on their stories or comment sections – you don’t need that negativity in your life. 

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