There are so many factors that can impact your sex life at any given point — including your level of self-confidence, your relationship status, your past experiences, and the current state of your libido. Whether you know it or not, though, your Enneagram type can come into play here as well. In fact, if you’re curious what your Enneagram type says about your sex life, you may be surprised at how strong the link is.
If you’re new to the Enneagram, here’s how it works. The system includes nine different numbered types, which are described by the core desires and fears that motivate their behavior. All nine types are organized into three primary centers of intelligence: Head, Heart, and Gut. Understanding these categories, which explain how the types respond to life events and make decisions, can help you to better understand how each Enneagram engages in sex. For example, Gut Types (One, Eight, and Nine) almost always rely on their instincts in the moment, whereas Heart Types (Two, Three, and Four) are fully focused on their feelings 100% of the time.
Where the Enneagram is perhaps most helpful when it comes to sex, however, is demonstrating what each type needs to work on in order to fully enjoy and appreciate their experiences. Wondering what’s holding you back from hotter hookups? Just interested in how your type impacts your behavior in the bedroom? Here’s what you need to know about your Enneagram’s approach to intimacy.
There’s no denying that you’re a perfectionist to the core — and this may very well extend to your sex life. In your mind, something isn’t worth doing unless it’s done well, and you hold yourself to the same sky-high standards when it comes to pleasing a partner. You have your whole life planned out to a T, so it should come as no surprise that you’re more likely to prepare for sex ahead of time (say, by making your bed and putting on some cute underthings) rather than just letting it happen in the spur of the moment.
Ones often require conditions to be "just right" for them to feel at ease, and to enjoy what they’re doing. In other words, you’re the kind of person who sets the mood when you know someone’s coming over for a potential hookup. You’re also the kind of person who might get distracted by a mess in the corner of the room while you’re in the middle of a makeout.
Given that Ones are pretty self-critical, you may find that you’re often rating your moves afterwards, and looking for areas in which you can improve. If you can learn to let go of some of your judgmental tendencies, you’ll likely notice that your confidence begins to soar and you’re finally able to see sex as a means of pleasure and expressing your love, not merely a performance.
Twos are among the more relationship-minded Enneagram types, so in all likelihood, you find sex to be more fulfilling when you’re with a committed partner than with a series of one-night stands. And thanks to your people-pleasing nature, you’ll go above and beyond when it comes to making sure your partner feels good, as well as when it comes to praising them for all their amazing moves.
For Twos, the one thing to be mindful of is that you may have a tendency to neglect your own needs in the bedroom while you’re so laser-focused on your partner’s. Remember: sex is a two-way street, and by vocalizing your own desires, you can prevent any resentment from building as a result of being continually unsatisfied.
As a Heart Type, you’re incredibly sensitive to others’ feelings. That means that during sex, you can often intuit where your partner is at, and adjust your behavior and approach accordingly. To you, sex is another opportunity to nurture someone, and to bond on a physical, emotional and sometimes even spiritual level.
The Achiever needs to feel like they excel at everything they do — and they crave recognition for that excellence. So, yeah, it’s safe to say that you’ll put a lot of energy into impressing any and all of your sexual partners, no matter the circumstances.
If you’re the kind of Three who prioritizes getting ahead professionally, you may find that it’s a lot easier for you to get your sexual release from casual flings than getting into anything serious. For some Threes, sex is also a means of relieving stress from their insanely busy lives and intense jobs.
In a way, Threes tend to see sex as a goal to be achieved. However, if you find yourself with someone special who helps you to accept yourself as you are (rather than constantly striving to be the best), you may find that you can let your guard down more and be more authentic in all of your intimate acts.
Expressive and individualistic to the core, you like to get *creative* when it comes to sex. So, it’s safe to say your partners will never forget their experiences with you. Not only do you strive for uniqueness whenever you’re getting frisky, but it’s also super important to you that your partner acknowledges that about you.
Let’s be real — you’re also a hopeless romantic. That explains why you prob want an epic playlist in the background for your romp, and a solid snuggle sesh once you’ve finished. BTW, pillow talk is on another level with Fours. You’ll want to engage in long, heart-baring convos after sex.
Fours can be incredibly sensitive to criticism, so it might be difficult for you to hear a partner point out something they didn’t like or wish you did a different way. However, given your incredible capacity for empathy and compassion, your desire to please them will usually trump any hurt pride.
As a Head Type through and through, you approach sex as something to be studied and mastered on an intellectual level. Ever eager to learn more, you feel safer doing something once you feel like you fully understand it. So, you’ll probably do a little research before trying something new.
It’s no secret that Fives tend to get in their heads about — well, everything. The overthinking and overanalyzing can be a curse when you’re trying to get intimate, but if you can find a partner who helps you to feel safe, you may be able to relax and be more present during sex. For this reason, Fives tend to feel more sexually fulfilled in a committed relationship with one person who they can build up trust with.
The truth is, Fives have a lot of strengths that can come in handy during sex. You’re perceptive AF, which means you can quickly pick up on a shift in your partner’s mood and adjust your responses to match them. You’re also incredibly respectful, which is why you may check in with your partner during and after sex to make sure they’re all good.
Considering your Enneagram type’s nickname is The Loyalist, it should come as no surprise that you prefer having sex with one person rather than hopping around in random hookups. There are several reasons for this. Firstly, your anxious nature makes you prone to a worst-case scenario line of thinking, and being with someone you trust can help to quell some of those distracting and distressing thoughts. Secondly, you may have a deep-seated fear of abandonment, which makes getting intimate with someone you know is sticking around feel far less risky to you.
Perhaps because they’re constantly scanning for danger, Sixes are known for being super responsible. So, you’ll likely always have any necessary supplies on hand (like, say, a condom) if you even suspect there’s a possibility of getting it on.
Once you’re with someone who’s proven they’re in it for the long haul, you’ll not only be able to squash much of the self-doubt and enjoy the experience more, but also open yourself up to new possibilities.
"Never a dull moment." If there’s one phrase that sums up your sex life — that’s it. You believe variety is the spice of life, which may mean playing the field a bit — or, if you’re committed to someone special, constantly trying out new positions to ensure things stay interesting.
You thrive on the novelty of an impromptu hookup in a new or unexpected location, which can definitely help to keep the spark alive in any relationship. You also probably scoff at the concept of penciling in sexy time — after all, you prefer to live in the moment and cater to any spontaneous whim.
Indeed, Sevens thrive on the thrill of new experiences, but at the core of that need for novelty is a fear of boredom. Hence, you need a partner who’s equally down for anything to hold your attention.
With that much self-confidence and intensity, you can be quite a powerful force of nature in the bedroom. You know what you want, and you know how to get it. Better yet, you’re not really that afraid of rejection, so there’s hardly anything holding you back from going after whoever you’ve got your eyes on at any given time. If there’s something you want from your partner, you definitely aren’t afraid to ask for it, either.
Eights enjoy a challenge and get an immense sense of satisfaction from seducing someone with their boatload of charisma and bold magnetism. Once in the midst of a hookup, Eights will often show their desire for control by taking on a more dominating role in steering the experience.
There’s a certain intensity that comes out when you’re intimate with someone — perhaps because this is one instance in which you may feel capable of showing that oft-hidden soft side.
Nines are all about keeping the peace. In your mind, if something’s working, why change it? This usually only comes out in long-term relationships, in which you may find yourself falling into a rut simply because of your complacency. However, given that Nines are also eager to please (much like Twos), you’re also almost always open to trying whatever your partner has in mind to shake things up.
What makes you such an ideal sexual partner is that you’re incredible reassuring and easygoing. If something goes awry, you’re more likely to laugh it off and comfort your partner about it before any insecurity gets the better of them. Being hyper-aware of your partner’s needs is a great thing, but like a Two, you may need to be careful that you don’t lose connection with your own. And since you tend to avoid confrontation like the plague, it may take a lot for you to muster up the courage to let them know their fave position just isn’t working for you.
The key for you is to learn that voicing your own desires in the bedroom can actually promote harmony, not disrupt it — by taking care of yourself, you’re ensuring that your sexual experiences are more fulfilling for everyone involved.
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