Mother reveals heartbreak of carrying triplets knowing that one of them had died – and the gift she gave her ‘angel baby’ so that she is ‘never alone’
- Kirsty Alexander, 33, from Kent, was delighted by surprise triplet pregnancy
- At four month scan, she and husband John, 39, found out one baby had died
- Gave birth to triplets, Wilfred and Delilah, and named her angel baby ‘Dotty’
- Gave Dotty a purple rabbit toy, which she cuddled throughout her pregnancy
A brave mother who endured half her triplet pregnancy knowing that one of her babies had died has revealed the touching gift she gave to her angel baby daughter.
Kirsty Alexander, 33, from Kent, and her husband John, 39 was stunned to discover she was pregnant having needed IVF to conceive their first daughter Bonnie.
While the couple were overwhelmed with joy at the news they were having triplets, tragically one of the babies, who they later named Dotty, died during Kirsty’s pregnancy.
The mother explained that after she gave birth, she gave Dotty a purple rabbit toy, which she had cuddled throughout her pregnancy, revealing: ‘I just couldn’t bear the thought of her being alone.’
Brave mother Kirsty was devastated to discover that one of her triplets died while she was pregnant with the babies
Kirsty and John were delighted to welcome their firstborn daughter, Bonnie, in July 2017 by IVF, and by July 2018, she found out that she was naturally pregnant again, much to her astonishment after requiring IVF to conceive Bonnie.
‘We found out we were pregnant again the day before Bonnie’s birthday,’ said Kirsty.
‘It was just before I was four weeks along, so we knew very early on. I just knew I was pregnant before taking the test; I felt very pregnant.
‘I seemed to have a baby bump very quickly after finding out, but other than that I didn’t think it felt too different to Bonnie’s pregnancy.
Kirsty, pictured after the birth of Delilah and Wilfred, was shocked by the lack of support for grieving mothers
After the initial excitement, Kirsty and John were concerned after Kirsty saw some bleeding and fearing this was a sign of miscarriage they booked an early ultrasound at seven weeks.
Kirsty explained: ‘I was terrified that we may have miscarried but our consultant said, ‘it’s a double congratulations as there’s two heartbeats’ and then he paused before saying ‘oh there’s a third’.
‘I immediately laughed and cried simultaneously, and my hands were shaking. The nurse in the room had to get me some water because I became so faint.’
Kirsty immediately felt a bond to the babies, admitting:’I loved each of the babies from the minute we found out we were expecting triplets. I’d imagined what they looked like, what their personalities might be like and most of all I’d imagined holding them all safely in my arms.’
Delilah Ivy, Wilfred George, and a bunny toy representing the third triplet Dotty Primrose, who passed away in the womb
The young parents had used IVF to have their first daughter Bonnie, before concieving triplets naturally
Unfortunately, at 18 weeks, a scan revealed some issues with one of the babies’ developments.
Kirsty revealed: ‘We had the babies’ placentas checked that morning and everything was fine, so we were over the moon. At the scan they mentioned some concerns around the development of Dotty and the fluid around her brain.
‘We had a follow up scan at the hospital, and it was at that point that we knew we’d lost her. We were completely devastated and heartbroken.
In October, Kirsty and John saw a consultant who looked at her brain in more detail and believed that there was a development issue, causing the baby to pass away.
Kirsty, pictured here with her first baby Bonnie, who was born using IVF. The parents were astonished when they got pregnant naturally with triplets
Early on, Kirsty had joked that the babies looked like dots on their initial ultrasound scan, but after finding out they had lost one of the triplets, they looked back over the ultrasounds and were amazed at how much they’d changed over the weeks.
She named their angel baby Dotty from then on, mesmerised by how much more than dots they were.
Kirsty spent the following months grieving for Dotty, but tragically she was terrifed of losing the baby all over again when she gave birth.
She revealed: ‘The whole time I carried her I felt like she was safe and close to me, but I knew once I gave birth, I would have to grieve all over again for her.’
Kirsty snuggled up with a purple bunny teddy, which she gave to Dotty after she was born so that the baby would never be alone
Kirsty had to go through months of her pregnancy knowing that one of her triplets had passed away (pictured here at a scan in December 2018)
The mother carried a purple bunny which she cuddled until the delivery, before leaving it with Dotty, so that she’d always have her mother beside her.
She explained: ‘I cried so many tears at the thought of her being alone, so Dotty’s bunny was something I chose to keep her safe.
‘I cuddled it the night before my c-section, so when they took Dotty away, she’d always have it with her, and it would smell of me.
‘I just couldn’t bear the thought of her being alone. Delilah and Wilf also have their bunnies.’
Kirsty found support through Instagram and she hopes her story allows others to feel capable of speaking about loss
Dotty, Delilah and Wilfred were born March 6, 2019 at 36 weeks via caesarean section.
Aside from her supporting friends and family, little bereavement support was offered, but after a few weeks it was suggested that Kirsty share her feelings, but she couldn’t bring herself to do this with anyone face to face.
She explained:’The first few weeks were awful. I felt like I couldn’t leave the house because my anxiety spiralled and I was so terrified of something else happening to one of our survivors.’
‘I was advised to start trying to share my feelings and emotions, but I just didn’t feel strong enough to speak face to face about what happened.
A flower arrangement in rememberance of Dotty. Each of the triplets has their own bunnies to remember her
‘That’s when I started using Instagram to share how I was feeling. It helped so much to let go of some of the fear, upset and anger that I had bottled up.’
Kirsty admits that going through infant loss or a miscarriage requires an underestimated level of strength, yet so many people suffer in silence.
She said: ‘I was experiencing so much grief that I couldn’t bring myself to speak with anyone face to face.
‘There were times when John had to speak on my behalf to the midwives at the hospital as I just couldn’t get my words out through the tears.’
Kirsty’s husband John, pictured here with his daughter Bonnie and two babies Delilah Ivy, Wilfred George
‘But Instagram almost allowed me to have a comfort blanket for my emotions and it protected me from the face to face interactions whilst still allowing me to share my feelings.’
While professional support was lacking, Kirsty found a network of help through social media and she hopes that by sharing her family’s story, more bereaved parents will feel that they too can talk about loss.
She revealed: ‘It gave me platform to grieve and I spoke with so many wonderful, supportive and caring people. It also put me in contact with people who experienced loss themselves and they offered me words of comfort that really helped when I was at my lowest.’
Others who had gone through similar experiences connected with Kirsty and she found a supportive network in the most unlikely of places.
Baby Bonnie,2, with her little sister Delilah. Kirsty said she appreciates every second she has with her babies
Kirsty continued: ‘Since having the triplets and going through that grief but also feeling such joy for our surviving babies, it’s truly put into perspective how precious life is.
‘I appreciate every second I get with my babies; I hold them even tighter and love them even more unconditionally than I even thought possible since losing Dotty.
‘The strength of any parent who has experienced loss is phenomenal, but so many of them suffer in silence and don’t get the support they need and deserve.’
Kirsty revealed she has often been so upset that husband John has had to speak on her behalf to the midwives at the hospital
The mother said there needs to be more support for mothers who are grieving, revealing: ‘Talking really does help lift the weight of grief, but parents need support to feel like they can open up to get through what is the most heart-breaking experience.
‘Whether you’ve lost a baby at three weeks or 30 weeks, or you’ve lost a child that’s been born, you are entitled to feel the upset.
Each one of those mums and dads is a mum and a dad, and even if it’s to an angel baby, they will always be a parent to their baby.’
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