Former NBA star Lamar Odom has a new book coming out, detailing a challenging period in his life. After a tumultuous marriage to Khloé Kardashian, during which his many infidelities and drug addiction became widely publicized, Odom was hospitalized in 2015 for a major overdose. He nearly died, and took several years to recover. And now he’s clarifying his experiences for the public with a new memoir, Darkness to Light. People excerpted several passages from Darkness, in which Odom writes about addiction, his relationship with Kardashian, and his hospitalization.

Odom and Kardashian met in 2009, marrying just a month later. “For a while, being with her was bliss and I was the happiest I’ve ever been,” Odom writes. “We were one of the most famous couples in Hollywood and we made more money together than we had individually.”

Odom claims that “at the start of our marriage I was faithful to [Kardashian],” but eventually began having affairs while spiraling into a cocaine addiction. “I could not handle the lethal cocktail of the spotlight, addiction, a diminishing career and infidelity,” he writes. “Oh, did I mention the paranoia, anxiety, depression. … I couldn’t keep my d*** in my pants or the coke out of my nose. Drug addicts are incredibly skilled at hiding their habit. I’d get defensive and Khloé would just drop it.”

“I wish I could have been more of a man,” he told People. “It still bothers me to this day. But regret is something we have to learn to live with.”

But despite the dissolution of their relationship, Kardashian was there for Odom throughout his hospitalization. He said that he remembers waking up in the hospital with Kardashian showing him photos of his mother, Cathy, who passed away from cancer when Odom was just 12. “I was surprised on how quick she was to show her devotion to me,” he said. “Her love for me must have been unconditional. That’s the only thing [I think] that gave her the strength to still love me at that time.”

Odom also hopes to reconnect with the entire Kardashian clan at some point. "I hope we can be friends,” he said. “I miss the family. And I hope we can all be reacquainted one day.”

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