Everyone knows that weddings can often be expensive for the couple and their families, but what about the close friends who get tapped for roles in the wedding party? The cost of being in a wedding that isn’t even your own can easily add up and start to feel astronomical. For the maid of honor, that number can blow up real quick. Asking yourself "How much does it cost to be a maid of honor?" before saying yes to the bride might be a good idea if you’re trying to ball on a budget. Because overall, the answer seems to be that the experience is definitely not cheap.

It’s a big honor to be asked to be a MOH, but that doesn’t mean it’s an easy job. There are definitely some brides out there who make the title stress-free and don’t ask much of their MOH, but there are others who demand a little more. On top of that, there are many costs associated, like the dress, shoes, hair, makeup, and not to mention planning the bachelorette party and bridal shower.

It all adds up, and these real-life stories about how much it costs to be a MOH, from former MOHs themselves, show that there’s a lot more to the title than holding the bride’s dress up when she has to pee.

1. It’s a lot of money for just one day.

Kelly*, 26

2. This MOH was happy to spend money spoiling her friend.

— Laurie, 24

3. The costs turned this MOH off to bridal parties in general.

— Gabrielle*, 28

4. Alterations can really eat at your budget.

— Jenna*, 24

5. The costs can be draining.

— Valerie*, 25

6. Only you can decide if it’s worth it.

— Fallon, 24

Now, this isn’t to say that every bride asks her MOH to shell out a ton of cash just to be in their wedding, but the costs associated with being a maid of honor do tend to skyrocket. If you find yourself in this situation, but you still really want to be your friend’s MOH, sit down and have an open and honest conversation. After all, communication is the foundation of any solid relationship. See if you can’t come to an agreement on areas where the bride or groom’s family can help cover some costs (like hair and makeup for the bridal party), or if you can compromise on cutting down costs at pre-wedding events.

All it takes is some honesty, and at the end of the day, there’s no shame in politely declining and promising to be there for the bride in a less high-pressure (read: high-cost) way.

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