Warning: Huge Game of Thrones spoilers ahead!

If you think you have a lot of feelings about Daenerys Targaryen’s fate on Game of Thrones, just imagine how actress Emilia Clarke feels after playing the iconic character for nearly a decade. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Clarke opened up about her initial reaction to the script, the experience of acting in those final scenes, and what it was like when Kit Harington learned where their characters end up at the end of the series.

Back in October 2017, Clarke settled in at home to read Daenerys’s final scene, which she ended up reading seven times in a row before crying and going for a walk to clear her head. “It comes out of f*cking nowhere,” she told EW, adding that she was “flabbergasted” and “absolutely never saw that coming.” Yeah, she’s not alone.

Two days after reading the script and having that emotional experience, she hopped on a plane to Belfast for the final season table read — but, unfortunately, she sat beside Harington, who chose not to read the script ahead of time. Ugh, can you imagine? Clarke joked, “This literally sums up Kit and I’s friendship. ‘Boy! Would you? Seriously? You’re just not? . . . ‘”

She strategically sat across from Harington during the reading so that she could witness his initial reaction, and when they got to the moment when Jon Snow takes Daenerys in his arms only to kill her, the pair made eye contact. As Harington recalled to EW, “I looked at Emilia and there was a moment of me realizing, ‘No, no . . .'” but Clarke nodded, and Harington cried. In the end, Clarke said, “then it was kind of great him not having read it.”

Check out Clarke’s full interview with Entertainment Weekly to see how she felt about the surprising turns for Daenerys throughout season eight — spoiler alert: she says she stands by Daenerys — then see how fans reacted to the Game of Thrones finale.

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