“Dog the Bounty Hunter” revealed late wife Beth Chapman‘s final wishes ahead of her Colorado memorial on Saturday.

“I’ve never done ashes in my life, and that’s what she wanted. And then she wants me to do it and put in the same thing and I guess put on the fireplace or something. This is the most morbid stuff,” the 66-year-old reality star told “Entertainment Tonight” in a new interview while sitting next to a pink box containing Beth’s ashes.

“She said, ‘Scatter some, leave some on the fireplace,’” he added. “Of course, when I go to heaven, she wants me in the box with her. Not my will.”

Beth, 51, died about two weeks ago in Hawaii after a battle with throat cancer, and the stress of her passing has taken a physical toll on Dog, causing him to drop nearly 20 pounds.

“I’ve lost 17 pounds in about two weeks. I need to bulk up again. But I can’t eat. Two bites, I’m full,” he shared. “So I gotta force-feed myself like I force-fed her.”

He also said that he still feels as if Beth is by his side.

“I was going to do all the scattering … and then I looked at it and thought, ‘I’m not going to throw you away! I just throw you away and start over?’ I can’t do that. So right now … I haven’t gotten past the place where I’m still putting a pillow where she was and covering it up like the jailhouse escape,” he said. “And then I wake up in the middle of the night and see her and it doesn’t register that [it] ain’t her. I’m still there.”

Though the 66-year-old said he’d never “commit suicide,” he revealed he’d be ready to go if his time were to come sooner rather than later.

“I am ready now to go,” he said, but added, “Beth was never ready.”

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