NESTLED among her Christmas decorations of baubles and tinsel lies a small wooden decoration with ‘Owen’ inscribed across it – a tribute to Stella Harding’s missing son.
The youngster, who was 16 when he disappeared, has not been seen since he left home on March 26 — three days after the start of the first national lockdown.
Now Stella, 43, is facing a miserable Christmas without him. She has spent the last nine months torturing herself with thoughts of what might have happened to her son, and says without the support of friends and community, she “wouldn’t have coped or survived”.
She is now opening up about her nightmare experience as she backs The Sun’s Christmas Together campaign, shining a light on those who are suffering from loneliness this year.
A person is reported missing every 90 seconds in the UK and according to the charity Missing People, their families “are at high risk of loneliness due to their loss, social isolation and stigma”.
Swimming teacher Stella, from Saltdean, near Brighton, has always shared a close bond with Owen, having brought him up as a single mum.
She says: “Owen was always this robust, physical, adventurous young boy. He was really early to walk and enjoyed being in the sea, climbing, walking, surfing, just so confident.”
She says he developed a love of art in school, which he continued at Varndean College in Brighton, where he started studying last year. He had been planning his CV and potential future jobs, and looked forward to learning to drive.
But when lockdown was first announced, it meant he potentially faced months apart from his girlfriend, Meg Wells Rhodes, who lives near York.
Stella, who also has a six-year-old daughter, says they would usually spend their summers together and long stints at each other’s homes, and the prospect of not being able to see her was particularly hard to bear for Owen.
She adds: “That weekend, when everything shut down, this depression and anxiety and panic hit our house.
“Owen was all right at first, and I remember Mother’s Day was pleasant. He made me a lovely card and we went on a walk.”
However, she says his mood worsened during the next week, and they had a few rows as he shared his anguish at not being able to travel. It came to a head on the Thursday and Stella recalls: “It was just this desperate exasperated stalemate. He walked out in the middle of it.”
Stella began to grow worried and eventually called the police when it grew dark that night. She says: “I didn’t know at that point if he’d tried to get a train up to York or what.”
Officers tried to reassure her that most teens return unharmed in these cases but it proved to be little comfort.
Stella says: “It was such a blur. I was very emotional and upset because we’d argued and he wasn’t there. I was alone in my house — my daughter was sleeping and had no idea. I phoned a couple of friends in the middle of the night and I just burst into tears down the phone.”
The community rallied round and began scouring the area but there was no trace of Owen.
Stella says: “We truly thought he’d turn up. The police had got in touch with the bus company to see if he’d used his pass, and they told us he hadn’t.
“I started to think he hadn’t left the area, so where was he? This doom feeling started to hit me. My daughter went to stay with her dad, because we co-parent. She didn’t know anything at that point.”
On the Friday Meg and her mum drove down from York after searching the area around their home in case Owen had travelled up north.
The Sun’s Christmas Together campaign
THIS Christmas we are teaming up with the Together Campaign, a coalition of community groups and organisations, and Royal Voluntary Service to combat loneliness.
And we want to recruit an army of volunteers to support those feeling cut off, anxious and isolated, this Christmas.
Could YOU reach out to someone who might be struggling and alone?
It might be someone you know in your own life or community who needs support.
Or we can connect you with someone in need through the NHS Volunteer responder programme run by the NHS, Royal Voluntary Service and the GoodSAM app.
Could you give up half an hour to make a call and chat with someone feeling isolated? Or could you volunteer to deliver essential shopping or festive treats?
Go to nhsvolunteerresponders.org.uk/christmastogether to sign up as a volunteer.
You will then receive an email taking you through the sign up process and be asked to download the responder app which will match you to those in need in your area.
Don’t worry if you don’t get a job straight away, because jobs are matched according to the need local to you. Being ready to help is what really matters.
By the Saturday night — 48 hours since Owen left — Stella was feeling at breaking point.
She says: “The police decided to change his case to high-risk, and the sky was filled with helicopters and drones.
“It was this really eerie feeling. I was sat in my front garden and could just hear the whir of the helicopters and the drones. I’ll never forget that, that will haunt me for ever.”
Police found CCTV footage showing Owen walking in the direction of the sea, but with a major road also that way, Stella can’t be sure where he was going.
She says: “When someone’s missing, you never rest. It’s a constant flicking around of ideas and speculation — maybe he’s dead, maybe he’s alive, maybe he’s gone in the sea, maybe he’s been washed away for ever, maybe he’s with a friend, maybe he’s been kidnapped . . .”
Stella’s first major date she had to face without her son was on May 13 – his 17th birthday.
She ensured the day was dedicated completely to him, however, and set up a Facebook page for people who knew him to post memories in throughout the day.
Now though, she is facing Christmas alone too – a time they have always spent together.
“I’m just going to have to do it differently this year.”
Stella plans to have an early Christmas with her and her mum, before her daughter will go to her dad’s for Christmas Day.
There for her throughout has been her musician boyfriend Sunny Davidson, 44, who she’s known for years.
She plans to “have a quiet reflective day. I’ll probably have a swim in the sea, and go on a nice walk, spend the day with Sunny and have a meal with friends”.
She has ensured Owen remains part of the day too, by hanging a small wooden decoration with his name across it – that he was given to him by their friend last year – on their tree.
“You have your coronavirus casualties, but you’re also going to have your lockdown casualties – and Owen is a lockdown casualty.”
She adds: “It’s really affected teenagers and we need to really look out for them and ensure mental health is part of the conversation.”
Loneliness by numbers
1 in 5 people who live alone will spend Christmas on their own
60% said they had felt more lonely during the pandemic
37% people know someone who will be spending Christmas alone
16% Brits said they were ‘dreading’ Christmas
52% said they have helped a vulnerable person during the pandemic
4.2 million adults always or often felt lonely during the second national lockdown
16 to 29-year-olds are twice as likely as the over-70s to be experiencing loneliness in the pandemic
£5.9m marked by Government pilot to tackle loneliness
“I think about Owen all the time, he’s always in my heart, forever, and he lived life to the full – so I’m going to continue doing that and enjoy every breath and be true and real.”
Stella's romance with her boyfriend Sunny developed in lockdown and he has now written and recorded a song in Audiobeach studios in Hove, dedicated to Owen and detailing Stella’s grief, named ‘May You Find Your Way Home’.
Proceeds from sales will go towards the Missing People charity.
A recent survey of families the charity supports showed that almost half (48%) say they experience mental health problems as a result of their relative going missing.
*If you need help, advice or support you can call or text Missing People anonymously on 116 000 or email [email protected]
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