JAMES HASKELL’S lockdown has featured meltdowns, mixtapes and moments of madness.

But amid the confusion and desperation to find routine, the ex-England flanker – who retired in May last year – has finally realised his previous life ambitions led to a deteriorating mental health.

He said: “I’m a bit like a shark. If you stop swimming you die.

“And as a rugby player, if you stopped doing what you were doing then you had to sit with your feelings and the voices in your head.

“You are touring and you are on the grind and you rarely sit down.

“Women are emotionally more in tune. Men are more: ‘If I just keep fixing mini problems then I don’t have to talk about them’.

“When I retired I was used to a schedule and I had to adapt to not having that and the pitfalls of mental health and not feeling valued that surround all of that.

“Before lockdown I was public speaking five times a week and then DJing and MMA, but for the first time in 19 years I sat down with my feelings and it was a weird situation.”

Haskell openly admits he is perceived as a “bit of a meat head and alpha male” who refrained from talking about his feelings.

His life goals as a young man matched that; Travel the world. Earn as much money as he can. Enjoy himself.

“For a lot of the Instagram generation that’s all what they are about,” he explained.

“But it doesn’t matter how much money you have or what race you are, looking after your body is the real commodity out of all of this.”

'WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?'

The first meltdown which opened Haskell’s eyes was one morning at the breakfast table – proving to be a real catalyst for change.

He said: “I turned to my wife and said: ‘What am I going to do when I have finished this lockdown?’

“Everything I do from public speaking to MMA fighting and I don’t do that anymore. I don’t have a job or a purpose.

“So, we sat down and wrote a list for things I would do and I felt more positive from it.

“I rang friends who I knew were struggling. They always say they are fine but you have to scrape deeper.“I have been reaching out to my parents. I have always had a good relationship with them but it has got strained along the way. I sent an email to my old man about certain things.

“This pandemic has shown that time isn’t on our side and it is important to get clarity.”

Speaking about men’s mental health on Jacamo’s Arms Length social video series, Haskell stretches out his huge frame and laughs at a comment his wife – television presenter Chloe Madeley – recently made.

“I have felt pretty comfortable being vocal with my wife. She is training people online and she is now earning more than me in lockdown.

“I have actually lost money as the company I was involved with went into administration. She looks at me and thinks: ‘Look at the state of you’, but it is quite nice.”

Haskell is content, and recently decided to stop doing things that made him unhappy, focussing on what he enjoys; writing his autobiography, gym work ahead of his eventual MMA debut and hitting the decks.

“It is one of my favourite things to do,” he said. “Going after my work out to make mix tapes.

“I was quite nervous to do live streams from home but there was the incentive to do it and I'm pleased I've done it.”

But within Haskell's body builder frame and rugby knowledge there is a deeper concern for society, none more so than for the impacts post-lockdown.

He takes a deep breath before attempting to put his worries into words: “Sports people and performers are inherently more selfish than most. To achieve and be successful you have to be narrow minded.

“In my career I supported charities; people called up and asked if I could take part and I would say yeah I’ll do that I’ll wear the t- shirt and talk about it, but if it doesn’t affect you, you don’t pay too much attention.

“In this situation because people haven’t had the daily grind and selfishness they have been open minded. But what concerns me is that social media controls agenda.

“The first part was Covid and panic buying, then it was Captain Tom and selflessness and helping people, and then it’s the Black Lives Matter with George Floyd that arose awareness of something that has been happening for centuries and the unfairness.

“When we come out of this, I worry the next agenda will then be the recession, and people will become more selfish again.

“I just hope when we come out we keep pushing the BLM and helping the NHS, and speaking about our feelings.

“Everything is being politicised now; Boris Johnson saying ‘our’ NHS, but in two years if we have no money the first thing that will be cut is the NHS.

“We are very good at moving on. Half of the mental health problems would have been solved by now if people just spoke up.

“But we pretend things haven’t happened. I hope that doesn’t happen this time around.”

Jacamo Arms Length, a four-part mental-health social series, in partnership with The Book of Man and CALM, continues today at 6pm via InstagramTV and YouTube. Charity donations to support mental health can be made at: https://tip.wearetipjar.com/p/jacamo

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