DEAR DEIDRE: THE night my wife told me she was attracted to another man at work, we had incredible sex.

She’d been out drinking with her girlfriends and was really lively when she got home.

I was worried when she told me about this bloke but I soon forgot about him, as she was so flirty.

The problem is, apart from that one night, she has barely touched me for ten years.

I’m a red-blooded male of 48, my wife is 53 and I’m not ready to have a sexless existence.

But she isn’t interested in making me happy, which makes me feel rejected and, of course, frustrated.

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In order to satisfy my urges I use pornography, a lot, and even watch it when my wife is home.

She doesn’t care and I admit that over the years I have become addicted.

Still, I thought that was better than being unfaithful.

Then my friend mentioned a local club which had swingers’ nights and I couldn’t get it out of my mind.

So one night I told my wife I was going out for a pint and instead visited the swingers’ club.

What I found was paradise for men like me . . . women willing to please any men with sex, and no strings attached.

I have not felt so liberated in a long time. I now go to these special nights regularly and pornography is less of a pull.

I want my wife all of the time but she’s not forthcoming.

I know that she’s going through the menopause and I’ve tried to be supportive but she’s refusing to get any help.

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DEIDRE SAYS: These swinging clubs may put you in danger of catching an STI, so quit while ahead.

Your addiction has come from the pornography sites themselves rather than your sexual frustration.

Online porn is designed to hook viewers in.

You undermined your wife’s confidence by looking for sexual relief online.

She was never going to run back into your arms while you were openly viewing porn.

Tell her you’re going to quit pornography – and find professional support at pivotalrecovery.org, who can help with porn and sex addiction.

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Menopause can have an effect on a woman’s libido but telling her you love her, cooking for her, or perhaps running her a bath can go a long way towards her feeling desired.

My support packs Menopause Problems and How To Thrill A Woman In Bed will give you a better understanding.

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