I’m a relationship coach – here are three things you shouldn’t do after a break up if you want to get over your ex
- Californian-based Amy Chan warns against stalking your ex’s social media
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A relationship coach has shared three things to avoid after going through a break-up.
Californian-based Amy Chan has dedicated her life’s work to helping others heal from the trauma of broken relationships.
Chan is the founder of Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat designed to help individuals get over their ex-partners, which can cost upwards of $4,000.
She has also written a book divulging her findings: ‘Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart’, sharing her understanding of how to channel heartbreak into happiness.
In conversation with Insider, the relationship expert shared her top tips on dealing with break-ups.
Amy Chan (pictured), a relationship coach from California, has shared her top three things to avoid when going through a breakup
Amy explained that she has made her fair share of mistakes when it comes to break-ups.
Having studied the neuroscience and psychology behind the often-traumatic time, she now feels equipped to advise others on how to move on.
She told Insider the three things she would never do again when dealing when a relationship comes to an end.
Avoid calling an ex-partner up for comfort or conflict
Chan explained that during her two-year relationship, her partner became her everything, including her source of comfort.
After they had separated, she found herself wanting to call her ex up to deal with the loneliness aspect.
At other times, she would call him up to vent her anger and blame him for their downfall.
Now, Amy recognizes that this is because she was co-dependent on him and searching for a way to quickly ease her pain.
In the long run, this will not heal the trauma. Instead, Amy advises others to acknowledge the negative emotions and discuss them with a supportive loved ones.
The relationship coach is also the founder of Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat designed to help individuals get over their ex-partners, which can cost upwards of $4,000
Steer clear of you ex-partner’s social media
The second mistake Amy made, but is sure to stay clear of now, is constantly checking her ex’s social media.
The relationship coach explained that she would continuously check her ex’s Instagram stories and new followers for hints on whether he had moved on from her.
She said: ‘All it did was amplify my anxiety. It was really, really unhealthy for me.’
Amy explained that constantly checking an ex’s social media page is a way of seeking closure.
But the healthier way of doing so is to grieve the relationship front on.
She advises others to block their exes on all social media platforms for at least 30 to 60 days post breakup.
By doing so, Amy claimed that this will allow new neural pathways to form, helping the recovery process.
Don’t talk poorly about an ex
Lastly, Amy advised against down talking an ex-partner and encouraging friends to do the same.
The relationship coach explained that she was guilty of ‘vilifying’ her partner during the breakup and tried to get her friends involved in the negative gossip.
However, Amy explained that this was her way of clinging onto the relationship.
‘All of it just added to me being resentful, holding onto anger, and closing my heart to other people,’ Chan said.
Now, she has come to realize that she had to take accountability for the end of the relationship and change the narrative that she was the only victim.
In quitting the negative talk, the recovery process will be smoother as the resentful emotions will ease.
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