In this week’s installment of Metro.co.uk’s podcast Smut Drop, host Miranda Kane gets talking to licensed somatic and relationship expert Orit Krug all about polyamory.

Orit has been married for 10 years, and is in an open relationship.

She says she went from despising the idea of her husband texting somebody else to being in a polyamorous relationship that’s ‘loving and stable’.

To make opening things up work, she says she first had to look inward at the relationship she was already in.

‘I had to work through a lot of issues I didn’t know I had,’ she says.

For people working through their own intense feelings in an open relationship, whether you’ve been poly for a while or you’re just getting started, Orit has some advice on how to handle it.

Remember jealousy is natural

No matter how long your relationship is open, you can still experience jealousy – Orit says that’s actually very normal.

She adds that something that helps her when she sees her husband going through the ‘honeymoon phase’ with somebody else is to remind herself of the complex cocktail of chemicals – like dopamine and adrenaline, for example – that course through the brain and body when people start getting romantic with each other.

‘I think that’s grounding for me,’ she says.

‘Because I can overthink it and go down a rabbit hole of thinking: “he’s not feeling as strongly for me” but that’s not even true. It’s just that he’s feeling differently.’

Sit with your feelings

Rather than disconnecting from whatever is triggering your jealousy or strong emotions – as Orit says is common in people with trauma in their past – sit with the feelings.

‘Get comfortable with what’s arising,’ she explains.

‘When we are uncomfortable with the sensations in our bodies – let’s say anxiety when your heart beats really fast, and you feel shaky – most people want to stop that, fix it, and push it away.

‘They don’t want to feel it, which is understandable. But I like to encourage people to feel that, because if you acknowledge that, eventually it’s going to shift into something else.’

Navigate it with your partner

You don’t have to cope with what you’re feeling all by yourself – remember your partner is still there for you.

‘Be open about how you’re feeling without blaming,’ Orit says. ‘And without – as hard as it might be – taking away from their excitement.

‘Because at some point you’re going to have this new relationship energy, and you’ll want your partner to be supportive of that too.’

Set a date night

You can even strike before the jealousy iron gets hot.

‘Set a weekly date,’ Orit says. ‘Make sure you have that agreement on what’s important for you in this relationship, no matter how swept up you get in another one.

‘Like “we have this thing together that’s ours, and that’s special”‘.

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