DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD a one-night stand with a friend’s wife and bitterly regret it.
If my other half finds out, she will leave me and take our son with her.
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I am 38 and have been married for five years. My wife is 32 and we had an arranged marriage.
My family thought she was perfect, as she comes from a very rich, conservative family.
I am sure she wouldn’t cheat on me but equally I am sure no other man would put up with her.
She doesn’t care about my feelings and is sharp and sarcastic.
She was softly spoken when we were first together but then she caught me messaging and flirting with other women.
I know I have made mistakes but I love my son and want a happier home.
She hates that I have a few beers some nights. I’m not an alcoholic but have seven or eight pints three or four nights a week, after hard days at work.
She complains I am being irresponsible and neglecting her and our son. She gets on my nerves.
My wife is also overweight and I tried to body-shame her in our early days.
I was hoping she would slim but she never cared about my feelings.
I was so fed up this time last year that I joined a friend on a night out.
My wife wouldn’t come but his was such fun, teasing her husband and me, and looked amazing in a short dress. She’s 28.
When her husband was getting more drinks, I said I’d love to see her more and gave her my number. I was giving up hope when she texted: “What’s on your mind?”
We messaged for a while and then I booked us into a hotel one night we could both get away.
We enjoyed dinner and then champagne in our room.
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We had sex and it felt good but we went off to our homes as soon as we could in the morning. he’s still married to my friend, though I can hardly look him in the eye.
Ever since, I have felt as if I’m waiting for an axe to fall.
My marriage is as bad as ever but I don’t want to lose my son and I’m sure my wife would cut me off from him if she found out about my one-night stand.
DEIDRE SAYS: How slim and trim are you after drinking six or seven pints every other night?
Downing alcohol can feel very rejecting to partners and children.
I doubt your wife will find out about your cheating, as your friend’s wife can’t be keen for it to come out.
But isn’t the more important question how you can improve your marriage?
Your wife, from her conservative background and in an arranged marriage, must have been shocked by your flirting with other women. I guess alcohol is against her culture, too.
If you take a step forward, that will make it easier for your wife to do the same. It’s got to be worth having counselling together.
My e-leaflet How Counselling Helps gives details of support for different faiths and cultures.
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