DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE become a different man since my wife told me she’s pregnant. I’m having a hot affair with a woman I’ve now fallen in love with.
I’m 29 and my wife is 28. We were together for four years before getting married. Those years were the best of my life and I desperately wanted to make it all official and marry her.
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But two weeks after the wedding my world fell apart.
She told me she’d had an affair which ended before she and I even met. That wouldn’t have bothered me much if it weren’t for the fact that her lover was married . . . and happened to be my best mate.
Soon after we first got together, I “introduced” her to that mate and his wife. She never let on that they’d already met. We often went out as a foursome and I never suspected she’d been in his bed before mine.
If she had told me before we got married, I might have forgiven those years of deceit. As it was, I felt trapped in a marriage to someone I just couldn’t trust or believe. We struggled on for a year. My wife kept on pointing out it happened before we met but that isn’t the point.
Then she said she was pregnant and hoped I’d be pleased, but it made me feel even more trapped.
I went off to the pub on my own and confided it all to a girl I met, just because she was there and seemed willing to listen.
She’s 26 and understood how I felt. I wanted to see her again.
Now I’ve fallen in love with that girl and she says she feels the same way about me. She knows I will soon be a dad but has not walked away.
I feel nothing for my wife any more. I don’t even want to look at her face. But I don’t know where my life is headed.
Topic of the day
AROUND one in three children will have parents who separate before they turn 16.
My e-leaflet When Parents Fall Out explains how to help kids weather the crisis with the least amount of damage.
For a copy email me at [email protected] or message me on Facebook.
DEIDRE SAYS: What a sad story. It shows the lasting damage keeping secrets like that can bring.
Your mate didn’t tell you he’d had an affair. I guess he felt ashamed. And your new girlfriend kept quiet when she realised the man she had an affair with happened to be your best mate.
She must now regret not coming clean at the start but I understand why she didn’t speak out.
You could have ended the marriage as soon as she told you the truth but you tried to hang on – and now an innocent baby is soon to be born.
To me, one thing seems clear. You must do your absolute best to resolve what has gone wrong, or at least to reduce all the anger you feel for your wife. The baby means she will always be a part of your life. You can get expert help for your marriage, either face to face or online, through Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960).
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