DEAR DEIDRE: WHAT hurts most about my partner cheating is that it wasn’t just sex. It was days out, hotels and nights at the theatre as well. He’s told me he’s sorry but the trust has gone.

I’m 36 and have had bad luck with men. I have two lovely sons, aged seven and 12. They don’t share the same dad but both dads were “players” and left me to bring up their kids alone.

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I thought I’d got lucky with this good-looking, sweet-talking man who told me he’d fallen for me the first night we met.

I waited a couple of months before letting him meet my two sons but when they finally met, they both liked him.

He’s 39 and had been married before. I knew he was friends with his ex and thought this showed what a nice guy he is. Then a friend who also knows this ex told me he wasn’t just friends with her, he’d been sleeping with her on and off for two years.

He denied it, of course, and swore they were simply good friends. I feared he was lying but tried to believe him anyway.

My sons both loved him by then and that was important to me, as they don’t see their real fathers. So I said he could stay.

I now know for a fact he’s been cheating again — this time with a woman he met at a conference for his work as a salesman. It hurts so much and I don’t know what to do.

I feel like I hate him and I know I can’t trust him again. But I don’t want to be on my own or to hurt my boys again. He says he wants to make everything right and insists he knows how stupid he was to cheat.

If this same thing happened to a friend, I’d tell her get rid of this cheat and never look back. I’m a good-looking woman with a home and a job but I feel frozen and weak.

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KEEPING sex fresh is a challenge in any long-term relationship.

My guide 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex is probably my most popular leaflet.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You have been unlucky with men . . . or perhaps you keep choosing the sweet-talking, fast-moving, just-can’t-rely-on-them type. I am wondering what your own father was like.

You are back with a cheat again and it hurts but you can’t close your eyes for the sake your boys. For now, you are sad and your boys will be too. But I am afraid your partner is so unlikely to change, you will be far more sad in time if he stays.

Remind yourself that you are strong and resilient. You have brought up two sons on your own and you know you can cope. Tell your partner he has thrown away his final chance and you want him to go.

Take time to reflect and to learn you can be on your own. Next time, take things more slowly. My e-leaflets on Raising Self-Esteem and Finding The Right Partner For You will help.

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