The devastated father of a missing woman has said he "feels hollow" in a heartbreaking New Year's message.
Leah Croucher, 19, disappeared without a trace on February 15 last year, and her heartbroken brother Haydon killed himself in November.
Distraught dad John Croucher says that a new phrase is driving the family insane: "Two. We've lost two now."
Leah not been seen since she was walking to work the day after Valentines Day, despite a huge police search.
In November, the day after the nine month anniversary of his sister's death, her 24-year-old brother Haydon was found dead.
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Now dad John has revealed he was almost "jealous of him" not having to go another day without finding Leah's fate.
And on New Year's Eve he penned a heartbreaking message, which he says he wrote with "tears rolling down my face".
He said: "We started 2019 with three beautiful children and a world of hope at our feet.
"In February our youngest, Leah disappeared from the face of the earth.
"Our world fell apart. We tried to stay strong. Stay hopeful. It was impossible."
The 45-year-old explained the mixed emotions of finding out body parts police recovered did not belong to Leah.
"The horrible worry that these random body parts may be all we get back of our beautiful daughter," John, of Milton Keynes, Bucks, said.
"The relief when told it's not her.
"The pain at realising we've had all that horror and are still no closer to an answer."
John then revealed the torment of learning what happened to his son, Haydon.
He said: "In November watching as your son's internal organs slowly stop working and you have to take the decision to turn off that magic machinery which is keeping him here with us.
"So many medications being pumped into him. None of it working.
"Justifying it to yourself with the thoughts we have been clinging to his shell."
"Begging him at the last minute to change his mind and come back to us.
"Knowing it was pointless.
"Knowing he didn't want to face another day of not knowing Leah's fate.
"Jealous of him almost."
John says he, his wife Claire, and eldest child Jade have a new phrase driving them insane.
He wrote: "TWO. WE'VE LOST TWO NOW. OVER AND OVER.
John explained: "Time is not making our pain easier to bear.
"Watching our oldest and now only child suffer.
"Thinking of how we will now not have weddings to attend or grandchildren to babysit and enjoy.
"Christmas has gone. It was bleak. Desolate. Lonely. Quiet.
"No decorations. No presents. No special dinner."
As well as cancelling Christmas, the family did not celebrate New Year's Eve.
He wrote: "The phrase Happy New Year feels hollow on our lips.
"Tomorrow we will lock ourselves away for the day, as we did over Christmas.
"Forgive us for being rude but we just don't feel able to pretend at the minute.
"We are tired and broken."
John ended the New Year's message with a plea.
He said: "The year ends as it quickly began for us. We still have to beg you…
"Please help us to end our pain and suffering.
"Help us to find out what happened to our daughter.
"We miss her so much it's unbearable."
Leah was last seen by her family on Quantock Crescent, Emerson Valley, in Milton Keynes at around 10pm on February 14.
She was reported missing the next day.
A confirmed sighting of Leah was reported the next day in Buzzacott Lane, Furzton, Bucks, just after 8.15am.
Anyone with information about Leah can contact Thames Valley Police on 101.
Alternatively, call Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.
If you need to speak to someone, Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123 or by emailing [email protected]
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