Modern technology has made dating complicated in so many ways. Not only do we have to worry about things like catfishing and cyberstalking, but there are temptations that simply didn’t exist before the era of cell phones.

Most of us who have been in a relationship have been there at one point or another. You’re cuddling up on the sofa with your significant other when he gets up to go to the bathroom, leaving his phone behind. There it is, right in front of you, unlocked and just waiting for you to see what secrets are hidden on the device.

Should you read his texts? Is there ever a good reason for snooping through your boyfriend’s phone?

Reading your boyfriend's texts puts your relationship at risk

“My advice (to patients) is always that you need to talk more with your partner and not less,” psychiatrist Julie Holland told CNN.

Holland warned that going through your boyfriend’s private information puts your relationship at risk. “You’re not necessarily going to find what you’re looking for, but you’re certainly opening a can of worms in terms of trust and intimacy issues,” she said. 

Psychotherapist Michele Paiva told Bustle that people who go through their boyfriend’s texts are in need of validation. “Snooping means you lack trust in yourself,” she said. “People will say that it is the other person that they do not trust, but in snooping, we are actually feeling like we are not enough.”

Reading your boyfriend's texts makes you untrustworthy

While you might be tempted to go through your boyfriend’s texts because you think you can’t trust him, the reality is that doing so makes you the one unworthy of trust. “When you feel compelled to snoop, you’re acting from fear, doubt, insecurity and distrust,” certified money coach Emily Bouchard told Bustle. “These all erode the core foundations of love and trust that support a relationship in being solid.”

She added, “If you find yourself feeling any of those awful emotions that drive you to feel that snooping is your best option, stop and take stock of your relationship.”

Instead of reading your boyfriend’s texts, have a conversation with him. Honest communication is much better than going behind his back and snooping through his phone.

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