Mother knows best. Or whom she likes the best, anyway.
Last month, actress Jaime Pressly, 42, stoked the ire of parents worldwide when she posted a selfie on Instagram with her “favorite son, Dezi.”
“That’s right I said it. I have a favorite son although I luv [sic] all 3 of my boys with everything I have in me,” she wrote in the Oct. 5 caption, which sparked hundreds of outraged comments blasting the “Mom” actress for being “awful” and “rude.”
“Dez and I have a special bond that no one else will ever match because we’ve grown up together.”
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A few weeks later, “The Office” star Steve Carell, 57, admitted he too has a favorite offspring on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” during a round of “Burning Questions.”
He didn’t reveal which one — Elisabeth, 18, or John, 15 — holds the top spot in his heart, but experts say the feeling is normal.
What’s not is going public about your preference.
“A lot of people say ‘I don’t have a favorite’ and I think they’re lying. Most people actually do,” says Emma K. Viglucci, a Midtown marriage and family therapist. “But I definitely don’t think it’s healthy to share that.”
Issues such as low self-esteem, feelings of self-doubt and acting out can all result from ranking your kids. “Usually the less-favored kids already have behavioral issues, and preferential treatment just perpetuates that,” says Viglucci. “Who wants to grow up feeling second best?”
Plus, the favorite kid gets hurt too, she says. They have “additional pressure on them to be the best and meet the emotional needs of the parents.”
According to a 2016 British survey, nearly a quarter of parents admitted to having a favorite. And some see nothing wrong with admitting it.
Like Pressly, mom Doreiby Riker prizes her eldest son, Kevin.
“When I saw her post, it hit me like, you know what? I tell my son ‘You’re my favorite child’ all the time, and it’s something I related to,” says Riker, a wellness coach and lifestyle blogger. “My oldest is 18, and I’m 35. He’s my favorite because he’s like my best friend.”
Though the Loxahatchee, Fla., resident has two other kids — Kaleb, 4, and Kataleya, 2 — her bond with Kevin runs the deepest.
“We’ve been through so much together since I had him my senior year of high school,” says Riker, who raised Kevin as a single mom for nine years. “I’ve seen how much we’ve grown together.”
Besides having a lot in common — they both love science and spicy tuna rolls — the mom and son also share a number of special traditions that don’t involve the other kids.
“Ever since he was little, we’d go to the movies and, instead of popcorn, we’d sneak sushi into the theater, chopsticks and all,” says Riker, who’s originally from New York City. “That’s something we still do to this day.”
Like many parents, she was initially uncomfortable admitting to having a preference.
“I always knew [he was my favorite], but was uncomfortable saying it,” says Riker, whose family and friends still consider the topic a bit taboo.
But, she says, “I’ve learned it’s OK … even if society isn’t on board with it.”
Stacy Lee, 41, also has a favorite: her youngest daughter Hadley, 7.
“We have the same attitude and we’re so similar,” says Lee, who also has a son, 10, and three other daughters, ages 19, 20 and 22, from a previous relationship. “She makes me laugh and is so sarcastic and sassy. I’m like that too.”
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The single stay-at-home mom, of North Bay, Canada, was so inspired by Pressly’s post that she even brought it up to her son.
“I said to him, ‘If Hadley was my favorite, would that disappoint you?’ ” Lee says. “He’s very pensive and goes, ‘You just have more in common because you [both] love makeup and shopping.’ ”
Lee admits that her relationships with her older daughters are strained.
“As they got older, they tended to spend much more time with their father,” says Lee, adding that their dad was their primary caretaker growing up. “They were much closer with him.”
But her preference, she notes, doesn’t mean she loves her other kids any differently. “I would jump in front of a train for all of them,” she says.
If parents do have a strong bond with a particular child, it’s important those feelings don’t dictate their actions, says Viglucci.
“They should be mindful of treating their children as equally as possible regardless of their special connection,” she says. “Show each child how they’re special in their own unique way.”
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