DEAR DEIDRE: MY best friend’s relationship problems are starting to take over my life, and I don’t know how to ask her to stop involving me without causing an upset.
I’m one of the few true friends she has and trusts but our friendship is starting to get me down.
I’m a man of 28, she’s 27 and we’ve been friends since we were in school together.
Around three years ago she married a guy, who is now 29. She has since had a child with him who is now three years old.
I’ve built a good relationship with him and I would even go as far as to call him a friend.
But recently, every time they have any kind of issue, she feels the need to involve me in their problems. It’s almost as if she wants me to pick sides.
Whether it’s the fact he isn’t putting enough effort into their kid or that he is being passive in bed, sure enough, I will hear about it.
She always wants me to give her advice, but the last thing I want is to cause more problems in their relationship.
I’m in such an awkward position.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your friend thinks of you as a confidante.
You said yourself that you are one of her only true friends and so you may be the only person she is comfortable sharing her personal problems with.
Unless you tell her, she will never know that these conversations make you uncomfortable.
Next time she brings up a topic you feel uncomfortable discussing, lightly say something like “You know I love you both – perhaps it’s best to talk to your husband.”
Encourage her to work things through with him and explain gently that as you know them both, it’s difficult to give objective advice and sometimes you feel a little caught in the middle.
If she is a true friend she will understand.
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