We’re getting the feeling this isn’t going to be a conventional celeb chit-chat about beauty.

We’re on a sofa with Claudia Winkleman, who’s jiggling with excitement while thrusting an eyeliner in our face.

‘Let’s imagine you’re going out,’ she says. ‘Not just out, OUT out.'

'I could come round your house and grade how good a night it’s been by how much of this you’ve used.'

'If you’d just put on a tiny sweep and gone out?’

She shakes her head, aghast.

‘Then NO – I don’t think so. You need to go the full panda – bring it!'

This is what happens when Britain’s most adorably bonkers telly star has been let loose in a beauty lab and allowed to distil her unique style into a beauty range for Boots.

In other words, lips like Tippex and more smudgy kohl than Alice Cooper with conjunctivitis.

‘With make-up, I’m all or nothing,’ she says, proudly.

‘I’m never doing a nice, midway, mid-brown eye gel.'

'It’s either peacetime or DEFCON 1.’

Today, we’re getting the more polished version of Claudia, who’s here to model her collection, called – appropriately enough – Full Panda.

For all her self-deprecation about ‘falling to bits’, she looks just as glam as she does when she’s hosting Strictly Come Dancing, her artfully smoked eyes peeking out from a shiny fringe.

When she puts on a red lip, she could easily give her work wife Tess Daly a run for her money in the glam stakes.

Fab-u-lous, darling…

What’s the inspiration behind your range?

I couldn’t believe it when Boots called.

I was like, ‘You don’t want ME to do a make-up range, I’m 47.’

But they said they did, AND I could call it Full Panda.

It’s good time make-up.

The other thing I wanted was ease of life – I’m ancient and we’re all busy, so nothing fiddly.

Did you spend your teenage years in Boots?

Boots was my life!

We used to go in after school, try stuff on and be like, ‘Ooh, we’re going to meet boys!’

I stole a tester from the Boots at Moorgate Station once.

It was a crumbling, pearlised lipstick.

I felt so guilty I went home, told my mum and we got on the tube to take it back.

I was like, ‘I’m sorry, I’m just a schoolgirl.’

Luckily they were very sweet.

I knew it was wrong and ever since then I’ve had a love affair with Boots.

Victoria Beckham is launching a make-up line too, how do you feel about going up against her?

Oh God! One of us is supermodel hot and high end, the other one is: ‘Have an eyeliner for five quid’.

I’m patchy, crumbling, decrepit and I like it!

There’s definitely room for both of us in the market.

You’re famed for your wonky make-up, will you be upping your game now?

Oh no, no – I AM wonky!

Here’s the beauty of it – it’s only good news when ‘full panda’ goes wrong.

It looks better.

If you’re applying eyeliner on the bus and it jerks, then good.

But my daughter is brilliant at make-up and she’s appalled by how I do mine.

She’s like, ‘Mum!’

You claim you have better dreams from sleeping in your make-up, what’s your best ever?

This is a good question!

My favourite ever dream was about squeezing a spot.

Maybe it means something terrible but I found it deeply satisfying.

The spot popped and it was… [shivers with delight] unctuous.

What’s your off-duty look like?

Disgusting.

When I’m not working my world is about eating pasta, licking the kids, all of the good things in life.

Then when I get busy again I suddenly think, ‘Maybe I need to do something.’

Nothing makes me more excited for autumn than a spray tan.

A lovely girl comes to my house and sprays me like she’s spraying a car.

I pivot, I’m game.

Let's go.

Do you do any DIY beauty treatments?

Sometimes I go mad and do lip salve.

But I shampoo and condition all the time with Head & Shoulders, I’ve got their new Supreme Purify & Volume range which I love.

I'm not being funny but my hair looks pretty good at the moment doesn’t it?

It’s only because of them.

Do you have to hack your fringe back so it’s presentable for Strictly?

Yes! I got a new term haircut.

I’m like the kids with their rucksacks and stationary.

Do you have fancy skin treatments?

I had a facial years ago and I found it very weird.

They were in my face, scrubbing it, and my face doesn’t want to be scrubbed.

My face like layers and layers of black eyeliner.

It must have been very confused.

Are you a lady who loves to spa?

If I’m on holiday and I can sneak off for a massage, that’s the best thing in the world.

I like somebody to stand on me and jump.

I don’t want a tickle, I want that from my eight year old.

What’s your top beauty tip?

I think the best thing for beauty, and for your head, is sleep.

I love naps.

Last night I went to bed at 9pm – nine!

Have you ever heard anything like that in your life?

I was up at 6.30am today, having toast and peanut butter
with the kids.

Felt quite… zingy.

You claim not to exercise, but you’re looking very toned…

I love you, I am not!

I’ll wave my arms in your face and you’ll be terrified.

I don’t go to the gym, but you know what I do sometimes?

Don’t laugh, it’s called Destination Walking.

Not name-dropping, but Sara Cox told me about it and it’s genius.

You go 10 stops on the tube, then walk home quickly.

Any secrets to looking glam on TV – Spanx and the like?

Erm… sometimes I wear a bra, sometimes I don’t.

I’m quite forgetful.

Truth is, when you’re on telly, about 900 people have got you ready.

I have the best team, and honestly without them I would just be wearing
a tracksuit, still holding my toothbrush.

It’s not reality.

What do you admire about Tess’s looks?

Oh my goodness, I love everything about her.

She is a magnificent creature.

She is so beautiful, I love her hair, I love her face, she has the most extraordinary body, but if I could steal anything it would be her metabolism.

The other day we were having a script meeting and she pulls out a family bag of Maltesers, eats all of them, then at the end she decides to have a ploughman’s baguette.

She’s an actual goddess.

If you could do a body swap with her, what would you do?

Walk around naked.

It would be phenomenal.

So you’d spend all day in the house?

I’d go anywhere, I’d do my Destination Walking naked.

Only wearing a pair of trainers.

You’re the cover girl for our beauty special, is ageing something you worry about?

No, no, no, it’s all falling off, but how brilliant.

I love it, embrace all of it.

Do you think this is the best time of your life?

Definitely, I can’t wait to be 60 because all I do is play bridge.

I’m so obsessed, I went on a cruise literally to find people to play bridge with.

My mum always says I was born aged 65, so each year I’m getting closer to where I am spiritually.

Are there things you used to stress about that you don’t now?

Yes, how long have you got?

I’m fully up for people watching me on telly going, ‘She looks disgusting, her dress is awful, why is her voice so grating?’

That doesn’t bother me.

But I think in my 20s I wanted everyone to like me.

47 is magnificent.

Would you ever have cosmetic surgery?

If I didn’t have a fringe I might be on my eighth face by now.

The answer is, I don’t know – I can’t rule it out.

If there was a bridge and botox weekend, that’s something I could fully get behind, but I’m waiting until I’m 70.

How to go Full Panda

Claudia picks a few faves from her new Boots range

Double Ended Lipstick… I Know, £6

There are only two lip colours I love, one is Tippex and the other is bright red.

LOOK – it’s exactly that!

They’re geniuses at Boots.

And the colours last forever, they’re beautiful quality.

If You Must… Skincare Collection, £18

I’m not mad about taking my make-up off, but if you have to – and I think it’s wise occasionally – there’s this kit.

There’s a make-up remover stick, you just put a bit on your face and wash it off.

And if you’ve gone OUT out, there’s a heavy-duty scrub stick to get it all off.

Magic Wand, £8.50

This is so easy when you’re in a cab, which is how I do my make-up.

There’s the best mascara wand at one end and one for eyebrows at the other.

I’m slightly obsessed with my eyebrows, even though nobody has ever seen them apart from me.

I like to know they’re quietly groomed under my fringe.

It’s like wearing good underwear just in case the bus runs you over.

Full Panda by Claudia Winkleman launches 4 Nov in selected Boots stores and on Boots.com. Claudia’s collection of make-up and skin care gift sets is priced £6-20, and all products are ethically sourced and not tested on animals.

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