Well, everyone knows by now that I am pregnant. It has been really quite difficult, I’m not going to lie. My pregnancy has been very different to the pregnancies that I see in the movies, the pregnancies that I see people talk about.

I have been extremely poorly, I have been so sick. I get my morning sickness in the evenings, which is always fun because you are trying to wind down for the evening and you feel nauseous! So that has been really difficult.

I’ve actually been subscribed anti-sickness tablets from the doctor because I’ve been so poorly, but I’ve been trying to take the least amount of tablets as possible.

It’s been a crazy journey, I am 20 weeks pregnant. I have my scan to find out the gender this week and I will be finding out.

People have extremely strong reactions about this which again is very surprising because, my body, my choice. But I have been told all sorts of things, for example a lady told me about a week ago that it’s proven that if you find out the sex of your baby, that you will bond less with it when it comes out!

And she was adamant that it’s bad for me and bad for the baby to find out the sex of my baby. Which I just thought was completely overstepping the mark and quite inappropriate. Especially when I had already said I was going to find out, because I want to find out.

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Nadia Essex

Now, I know it is not PC and my mum keeps telling me off, but I would like to have a girl.

And it is something that I can’t control. It is something that I would really really deep down like. I love girls, I know girls. I know girls’ struggles and I know how difficult it is.

So for me, it will feel a lot easier for me to have a girl so I really really want to have a girl.

And yes, of course, I would like a healthy happy baby, that is overall the main thing, but I also think I should stop being vilified and crucified for wanting a girl. I’m a girl and I want a girl!

I don’t think there is anything wrong with that and I think I shouldn’t be judged so harshly for saying it.

I’m also finding out because in truth, if it’s a boy, then I will need some time to get used to it. And I don’t want to have to get used to it when the baby is here, I want to get used to it now.

And I’m going to have to start from scratch, I’m going to have to find out about boys things – I don’t know anything about guys and guy's puberty and guy's feelings and I am going to have to research from a boy's point of view and helping them grow up a healthy, happy, functional young man in society.

So that has been playing on my mind a lot as my gender reveal nears so fingers crossed in a week when I have my scan, I get the outcome I’m hoping for, which is – it’s a girl! And we all live happily ever after.

If I find out its a boy then absolutely fine, it’s just going to be go, go, go on the research, research, research, books, books, books!

That's all from me for now, but stay tuned for my next baby update.

Nadia xxx

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