What we absolutely don’t need is yet another remake of a movie from the 80s with a plot that’s nothing more than a sight gag that’s been stretched out on the rack for 147 excruciating minutes. We don’t need it, we don’t want it, and for the love of cinema, please make it stop. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have Jean-Luc Godard on the line, he wants to pitch me on his directorial swan song. Goodbye. No, I’ve really got to go. I SAID GOOD DAY!
What’s that now? Jason Momoa and Peter Dinklage? I’m listening… AS TWINS? In a remake of the 1988 film Twins that starred Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito? Jean Luc, I’ve got to run! Something suddenly came up!
Yes, a remake of Twins starring Jason and Peter was floated by an audience member at an Aquaman Live panel at Celebrity Fan Fest this past weekend. Jason immediately saw the potential and responded with great enthusiasm. Huffington Post reports:
The fan proposed Momoa team up with Dinklage ― his former “Game of Thrones” co-star ― to do a remake of the 1988 buddy comedy “Twins,” which starred Schwarzenegger and DeVito.
“Fuckin’ tell me where to sign! Absolutely. That’d be amazing. I love that movie.”
Really? You love Twins? Nobody loves Twins (though HuffPo says it was a “huge hit” earning over $200 million dollars). I’d wager that Jason couldn’t recount the plot of Twins if his life depended on it. If Jason can successfully convey the plot of Twins, I’ll become his sex slave. If he can’t do it, he becomes mine. This is the hill I am willing to die une petite mort on, as my friend Jean-Luc would say.
According to Wikipedia, this is the basic premise, none of which I recall even though I know I saw it in the theater when it came out:
Julius Benedict and Vincent Benedict are twins, the result of a secret experiment carried out at a genetics laboratory to combine the DNA of six fathers to produce the perfect child. To the surprise of the scientists, the embryo split and twins were born. The mother, Mary Ann Benedict, was told that Julius died at birth, and not told about Vincent at all. Vincent was placed in an orphanage run by nuns in Los Angeles and believed his mother abandoned him. With no one but himself to rely on, Vincent seduced a nun, escaped from the orphanage, and later became an indebted, small-time low-life. Julius was raised on a South Pacific island by Professor Werner, one of the scientists from the experiment, who put him through intense physical training and extensive study. Each twin was unaware of the other’s existence.
They then find each other and go off to search for their birth mother. Hijinx ensue, as is their wont. It really is genius casting; hats off to that audience member for putting this idea out into the ether. Now we just have to sit back and wait for Twitter to do its thing!
Here’s Jason at the panel, the question comes in at 17:39.
And here’s the OG Twins trailer.
This is really the only type of remake I’m interested in. The original movie can’t be ruined because it’s so dumb to begin with. They could even play it straight. Peter’s such a fantastic actor he could totally sell the pathos of a low-life Lothario with mommy issues. And Jason, well Jason’s really good looking. As long as it doesn’t result in an eventual remake of Junior, I’m all for it!
Pic: YouTube
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