Get the best celeb exclusives and video house tours to your inbox every evening with our daily newsletter

If it feels like Shobna Gulati has been less visible on TV lately, despite a recent stint in Doctor Who, it’s because she’s been busy with theatre work for three years. The former Coronation Street favourite also nursed her mother Asha through dementia from 2016 to last November, when she died aged 79.

Now, Shobna’s written a deeply personal memoir about her life and her mother’s illness. And she admits the writing process was a welcome distraction when she fell ill with coronavirus in March.

The star, who first found fame in BBC sitcom Dinnerladies, also opens up about the hurt she felt after her marriage to architect Anshu Srivastava fell apart in 1994 and she became a single mum to their son Akshay, born in 1995. But she reveals her love life is back on track as she’s been dating a mystery new man.

Here, the 54-year-old talks to OK! about the emotional journey she’s been on and how the coronavirus has taught her to not plan too far ahead…

Shobna, you’ve had a tough time lately and we’re sorry to hear of the loss of your mum…

I’ve had quite a terrible year. I got coronavirus and was very ill and very, very isolated as I was alone. It was scary because nobody knew how to deal with the virus at the time. I fell ill at the beginning of March when it was early days for the UK. My sister, Sushma, was on the phone every day because she was really worried. I was writing the book through the coronavirus – it helped because I needed something to focus on besides being ill. Having the motivation of deadlines really helped me get better, but there were times when I just couldn’t move. I felt like I’d been run over by a bus. I do feel well now, but not 100 per cent.

Why was telling your story important to you?

Because it’s a story that’s not often told from my perspective as a woman of colour and as a second or third generation child of Indian parents. I’ve used my platform as a person in the public eye to bring this story to possible new audiences. In these polemic times, human stories are important, because they remind us that we all have more in common than the things that apparently divide us.

In the book you reveal that getting a divorce and becoming a single mum led to you being shunned by the community and some relatives…

I feel strongly that patriarchy still looms large in every society, culture and time. So it felt tangible, my shame of not following the expected route for women and girls. For the structures I was born within, my pregnancy was out of the ordinary because my marriage had failed. This put a lot of pressure on my mum within the wider community. She was a widow as well [Shobna’s father died when she was 18]. From the dawn of time, women have had the mark of sin, so my “mistake” was considered in some quarters to be shameful.

As one of four kids, why did you feel the pressure to care for your mum?

When Akshay was born, I came home to Oldham because I needed support and Mum was there for me. She said it was her duty, but over time I knew it was all about her love. Akshay is really special and the way it all happened made my mum and me stronger in a way that might never have happened otherwise.

By caring for your mum, were you making up for the hurt you think you had caused her?

To an extent. Duty and love may seem like separate things, but they’re not. It was expected of me to look after her. I was freelance, so I had down times from work. But for me it became my way of being there for her as she’d been there for me. And it was a privilege to look after her. We focus so much on the “burden” of care and don’t see the value of our elderly. And with dementia, we’re so focused on what people forget. I just thought, what would happen if I decided to look at what she remembers? I found ways to encourage Mum to remember and memories came out that I’d never known. It was charming and moving, sad and hard.

Do you find it harder to get acting roles as a woman in her fifties?

Many times I haven’t got jobs because they said I don’t look my age. I’ve always wanted to say, “Don’t you realise that culturally a lot of us look younger than we are?” So I’m going grey and leaving it because I want to look more my age, so I can play my age. The next thing I’m doing is the celebrity version of Best Home Cook, because I love everything to do with food.

You’re still best known for Coronation Street. Do you miss that role?

What a shame they killed Sunita off. The first time I left, the door was open for her to come back, but you get different producers with different ideas. I’m still in touch with some of the women there and one of my best friends is Kate Ford [Tracy Barlow]. We’re very close.

You say in the book you’ve endured terrible relationships. Are you dating now?

I started seeing someone just before lockdown, in the sense that we went for a few meals. For months, due to lockdown, work and illness, our relationship was talking on the phone and FaceTime. He’s very supportive and kind and loves me the way I am. I don’t have to pretend to be dreaming of the future or what our relationship really means. After all, in these unprecedented times, who knows what’s going to happen?

Remember Me?: Discovering My Mother as She Lost Her Memory, by Shobna Gulati is out now (Cassell, £16.99).

Source: Read Full Article