One week after coming out as transgender to her millions of YouTube subscribers, makeup guru NikkieTutorials sat down with Ellen DeGeneres to reflect on the outpouring of love and acceptance she’s received since the announcement. In her first interview since revealing her true identity, the Dutch beauty influencer, whose real name is Nikkie de Jager, touched on how blackmail ultimately drove her to go public with the intimate details of her transition. “A couple of weeks ago, I got emails from a certain person, and he was not OK with the fact that I was ‘lying,’ and he wanted to expose that,” de Jager told DeGeneres. “I feel like his entire goal with this was to destroy my life. But plot twist — that didn’t happen.”

De Jager went on to describe the “unreal” support she received from her mother and her fiancé, Dylan Drossaers, who both encouraged her to share the video titled “I’m Coming Out.” What’s more is that her fans and followers were equally supportive as soon as she pressed that “upload” button on the 17-minute video. “I was so happy that it’s 2020 and the acceptance is real,” de Jager said. “I always wanted to come out with it, but it’s such a delicate thing . . . how do you find the perfect timing?” The YouTube star added that although she’s certainly not thrilled the blackmailer took away her ability to choose when to share her story, she is thankful that she now gets to be “free.”

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