DEAR DEIDRE: DESPITE loving my wife with all my heart, I couldn’t help myself when her best friend showed me some attention – and we had an intense sexual encounter.
I instantly regretted it. I knew it was wrong, but feeling so desired by someone else sent me into overdrive.
I’m 38, my wife is 36 and we’ve been married for eight years. We have one little girl, who is six.
My wife is caring and understanding and has always made me feel secure and loved.
I had always suspected that her best friend, who is 36, had a crush on me. Every time we’d meet up I’d notice her constantly checking in my direction.
Her look and touch always lingered that moment longer than necessary and she has been provocatively flirty at times.
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I admit, it was an ego boost. Then one night I bumped into her in a bar while I was on a boys’ night out.
We’d both had a bit to drink, and I was eating up the attention she gave me. All of my inhibitions went out of the window.
I couldn’t restrain myself and we ended up having sex.
The next day I was so tortured by what I had done, I confessed to my wife instantly.
She broke down in tears and told me she never wanted to see me again.
Ever since, I’ve been begging her for another chance, but she doesn’t want to hear it.
I can’t believe what I’ve done to our family and it’s tearing me apart.
What if there’s no coming back? I hate myself for hurting her.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Unfortunately, you made your bed and now you have to lie in it.
It’s clear you regret your actions, and while there’s no guarantee your wife will forgive, you were genuinely mortified and took responsibility instantly.
Right now she is struggling with the betrayal of two of the closest people to her – her husband and her best friend.
All you can do is give her space and reassure her that you will be there waiting when she’s ready.
If she decides to give you another chance, my support pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It?, will help.
In the meantime, try to understand why you strayed. If the attention is what drives you, my support pack, Raising Self-Esteem, can help you build up positive feelings about yourself.
But let’s not pretend you are incapable of restraint. You have a choice whether or not you are unfaithful.
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