Dear Deidre

I’M having great sex with my boss and when we’re together he makes me feel loved.

But then he goes back to his wife and I know that I have simply been used.

He runs a cafe on the seafront in the town where I live.

I’m a student at uni but I’m home in the summer and work as a waitress for him.

I’ve been doing this now for three years.

I’m 22 and he’s 41, but he looks really good for his age.

When he interviewed me I thought he was nearer to 30 than 40 and hoped he was single and free.

He soon set me straight about that when he let slip that he was married with two little kids.

We get on great in the workplace and I’ve found him to be a really good boss.

I heard he’d had lots of affairs with both tourists and students so you could say I had been warned.

He gave me a call back in the spring when I was still at uni.

He said that he wanted to meet up to talk about work in the summer and perhaps a promotion for me.

'Sometimes it feels like he loves me but sometimes he makes me feel really cheap'

He took me to dinner and spent the entire night saying how lovely I am and how good I am at my job.

I suppose I could guess what was coming.

I wasn’t surprised when he suggested going for a last drink back at his hotel.

He took me straight up to his room where he ordered champagne. The sex was amazing that night.

Now it’s summer again and I’m back in the cafe.

He treats me the same as he always did and no one would guess that anything had happened between us.

Every so often he’ll give me a call and we’ll go out to dinner and have sex — either at his place if his wife is out or away with the kids, or in his car if not.

Sometimes it feels like he loves me but sometimes he makes me feel really cheap.

I feel bad for having this stupid affair but it makes me feel happy as well.

DEIDRE SAYS: You know this isn’t love, it’s just casual sex and an ego boost for him.

If you keep on like this, you will lose self-respect. Perhaps you had low self-esteem to begin with and that made you fall for his charms.

Next time he offers you dinner, please say it’s not a good idea and that you have realised you should keep your relationship on a strictly work basis from now on. He should respect that but maybe look for another holiday job anyway.

And even more important – look at why you are settling for a married man heading into middle age when you are young, highly educated and should be having a great time with people nearer your own age.

My e-leaflet Your Lover Not Free? may help.

How do I deal with the financial strain on my marriage?

Dear Deidre

MY husband made a terrible confession to me when he thought he was dying.
He was diagnosed with testicular cancer last year.

When he was ill, he told me he had “got very close” to a woman he’s known since childhood. We’re 49, she’s 47.

It didn’t get sexual but he lent her £2,000. It put a great strain on our marriage.

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He’s recovering now and we’re closer than ever but I doubt we’ll be seeing our money again.

How do we deal with this woman without telling other family members? My 89-year-old father-in-law thinks of her as a daughter.

DEIDRE SAYS: Forget other family members. What matters most here is how you and your husband move forward as a couple.

The woman sounds to have played on your husband’s feelings and vulnerability.

Ask her what she is going to do to repay the money. Your feelings matter, don’t feel you have to explain.

My panic after sex with girl, 15

Dear Deidre

I’VE been seeing a girl who told me she’s 17, but now I’ve heard she’s actually 15.

I’m 27. We met at a party in May. We messaged each other for a couple of weeks and things got flirty. I knew she was much younger so I was careful not to rush it.

She came round one night and we had consensual sex.

But I’ve since found out she’s a compulsive liar.

She says another guy raped her but tells different stories to different people and now I’ve heard she’s 15.

'I knew she was much younger so I was careful not to rush it'

I’m really scared I’ll be prosecuted for having sex with her or because of the explicit photos we have sent to each other. I’ve deleted the photos, but is it too late?

DEIDRE SAYS: You hardly knew her so it was risky to have sex and exchange explicit photos without making really sure about her age.

If it came to a court case, you could explain she lied about her age but it might be her word against yours.

End this relationship now. Say it’s been great – to save her feelings – but you’ve realised you’re too old for her. Learn from this and make sure in future.

If she makes a complaint, you’ll need legal advice.

I rarely last more than a minute

Dear Deidre

I DON’T mean to be selfish in bed but I always finish too soon and my wife gets upset.

I’m 34 and she’s 32.

We’ve got two lovely children and life would be great were it not for my complete failure to last.

This problem goes back for years and has only got worse as I’ve got older.

I rarely last more than a minute.

My wife also gets upset that we don’t have sex a second time straight after we’ve finished but I can’t manage it.

I know other blokes do that so what’s the matter with me?

I’m worried my wife will leave but I’m much too embarrassed to see my GP.

DEIDRE SAYS: You don’t sound secure in your marriage, which won’t help.

Your wife is expecting you to have intercourse without a recovery time, but men’s bodies don’t work that way.

Premature ejaculation can be easy to fix – my e-leaflet How Men Can Last Longer will help – but you must look at the rest of the relationship.

Clingy mother driving me away

Dear Deidre

MY mother relies on me for everything since my dad passed away three years ago.

I want to move out but she depended on him too and I fear she wouldn’t be able to manage alone.

Dad paid the bills and looked after everything to do with the house.

Mum is only 55 but seems really helpless without him.

'There’s just too much pressure to cope with'

I am a single mum of 28 with a daughter aged ten.

We really need our own space but whenever I talk about moving out, Mum gets really low and her friends say she’ll go down without me.

I’m working full-time as well and there’s just too much pressure to cope with.

DEIDRE SAYS: You have your daughter to think of and you need to take care of yourself. Living this way isn’t working for you so you need to move out.

The longer you stay, the harder leaving will be.

If your mum is depressed, organise for her to see her GP. Cruse bereavement counselling could help too (cruse.org.uk, 0808 808 1677). Show her how to pay her bills and underline that you will be there at the end of the phone.

You don’t need to feel guilty, just go.

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