Social media has turned all of our lives into a comparison-fuelled hellscape of one-upmanship.
Back in the day, we only had to compare ourselves to our next-door neighbours, or maybe our siblings. Now, thanks to the beauty of connectivity, we have access to the shiny, curated lives of everyone we have ever known.
And everyone is living their best lives. All the time. Dinners at the best restaurants in the city, cocktails on tropical beaches, weddings in idyllic country manors with fireworks, live doves and a unicorn.
Keeping up can be exhausting. And expensive.
In fact, lots of people are falling into financial difficulties in their attempts to maintain a particular lifestyle for their online personas, and it really is getting out of hand.
Last year, one American woman confessed that she had got herself into $10,000 of debt trying to become Instagram-famous. An anonymous Brit created a whole blog dedicated to following her journey of clearing debts of £25,000 – racked up on expensive interior designs for her perfect Instagram posts.
But it’s happening on a micro-level too. Loads of us are pushing our financial boundaries, taking out pay-day loans and maxing out our credit cards all to save face for the ‘gram – and it points to a deeper problem.
Ellie* is still paying off a loan she took out to pay for holidays, dinners and nights out she went on after breaking up with her partner. She says the grip that social media had over her during that time was scary.
‘As I was booking the flights, I was literally thinking about how the pictures would make my ex and my friends feel. I was going through a rough time, so I thought this was the best way to make it look like I was doing better – like I was smashing life again.
‘I booked an all-inclusive holiday to Dubai – my friend came with me, but she earns a lot more than me and I didn’t tell her that I had put the entire amount on my credit card.
‘I didn’t think about money the whole time I was there. I just focused on taking balcony photos in all these amazing outfits, and making sure I was putting every minute of our trip on my stories. I did have an amazing time, but I wasn’t really living in the moment, I was so focused on documenting it for my followers.
‘A few weeks later, when I came back and realised how much I had spent, I felt sick. I had to take out a loan to pay off my credit card bill, and I had to make some serious life changes.
‘When I go on Instagram now, I still get urges to say; “f*** it, let’s just go on a big, fancy night out”, because it looks like that’s what everyone else is doing. But it’s just such a dangerous spiral.’
According to a poll commissioned by BBC Radio 5 Live and HuffPost UK, just over a third of 20- to 29-year olds agreed that social media posts by influencers made them spend money they otherwise would not have wanted to spend.
39 per cent agreed that targeted ads on social media caused them to part with money they otherwise would not have spent.
One of the tricky things about social media is that it can be hard to tell what’s an ad and what’s real life (even despite recent changes to improve clarity). This can present a false picture of how everyone else is managing their money.
It’s an easy trap to fall in to.
‘Social media can become a financial problem when it turns into a spending competition, and users feel the pressure to keep up with others’ extravagant lifestyles,’ says Salman Haqqi, personal finance expert at money.co.uk.
‘You must remember that lots of social media influencers are paid by brands or receive things like holidays or products for free, so they don’t actually pay for their lifestyle themselves.’
Salman says that trying to emulate people you see online is a mistake and can land you in debt that only you will have to deal with – not any of your followers or online inspirations.
But he has some advice for people who have found themselves in that situation.
‘The first step is to reduce your outgoings,’ he suggests. ‘Make a list of exactly what you’ve spent in the past month and ask yourself – how much of it was absolutely necessary?
‘If you have racked up credit card debts, ensure you move the balance when introductory rates are up to avoid paying additional interest, and consider consolidating multiple debts into one monthly payment, as it may work out cheaper and easier to manage.’
Next, Salman suggests setting yourself a budget. Deduct your essential monthly costs – like your rent or mortgage, debt payments, energy and mobile phone bills, transport, and food from your income.
‘What’s left is your disposable income,’ he explains. ‘The amount you have available to pay for eating out, your social life and, more importantly, your Instagram content.
‘You can save money and still create social media content by having confidence in yourself and showcasing what’s great about you as an individual.
‘If you can’t afford an expensive trip to Thailand, find photogenic locations around where you live and take pictures at sunset when the golden light makes everything look magical.
‘Instead of filling your wardrobe with new clothes you’ll never wear, take a trip to the local charity shop and grab a few bargains. You can donate them back afterwards to boost your eco-credentials.
‘Don’t waste your money trying to live a lie online. Show off what’s unique about your life and you’ll sleep better at night, untroubled by debts that you don’t need.’
This is very solid advice.
But for some people, it’s not even their own Instagram dreams that lands them in financial hot water – it’s their friends’.
Becca* ended up going way beyond her budget paying for her friends’ expensive weddings and hen dos. She says her friends’ desire for Instagram-perfect venues caused the costs to skyrocket.
‘One of my friends stipulated that her hen do had to be abroad – somewhere picturesque,’ says Becca.
‘I ended up spending more on that hen do (which was five days with people I didn’t even know particularly well) than I have ever spent on myself on a holiday in my life.
‘On top of that, for her wedding I had to pay for three nights in a hotel, travel, alongside buying bottles of champagne for every dress fitting and wedding orientated event. Everything had to be photographed and looking “top”.’
Becca says after spending beyond her means in the past, she now has rule of saying ‘no’ to any hen dos that are abroad, but as a result says she’s been shunned by certain friendship groups.
‘I’ve certainly been made to feel left out,’ she says. ‘And that’s in part because of the social media presence these weekends have. I don’t know if they are always having as good a time as it looks on Instagram, or if this is just what the weekend has been geared to. The whole focus seems to be incredible-looking party pics.’
Another friend has recently demanded her hen do needs to be abroad, and Becca thinks it again comes down to external appearances.
‘We had to go abroad somewhere with a pool, a beach, somewhere “luxe” for a night out. Reading between the lines, the reason was that the stag going abroad and she couldn’t bare the thought of people seeing that he had gone away if she wasn’t.’
Becca says she is filled with anxiety when she goes on these trips and knows that the bills are racking up. She hates the idea that we are all just expected to foot the cost, regardless of individual circumstances, and it has made her resent being asked to attend.
‘Sometimes I think I just feel guilty for not having the money to do these things without worrying about it. I’m also just not as fussed about being on a big group holiday abroad, but for some people that’s truly just how they want to celebrate their special time, Instagram or no Instagram.
‘But from where I’m sat, it does feel hard to deny that social media presence is something we all buy in to, and has gradually impacted they way we celebrate and plan events.’
As we have been writing about all month; debt is never a good place to find yourself in.
It can be hard to get out of, it can impact your financial future and it can cause negative mental health symptoms too.
But Instagram expert Sara Tasker doesn’t think spending money on your Instagram lifestyle is always a problem – as long as you do it responsibly.
‘It sounds ridiculous, but it’s not always a terrible idea to spend money for good Instagram content,’ she says. ‘If you know an amazing dress or poolside villa will make for a viral image, you can easily rack up a tens of thousands of new likes and followers in return for your investment.
‘It’s not really all that different to a company paying to boost their post – it’s just a different strategy to reach a similar outcome.
‘In the fashion and travel sphere in particular it’s incredibly competitive and increasingly expensive. The best deals and biggest audiences go to the people with the most original content to share, which means the most impressive trips to luxe resorts, and the most new outfits and beauty products.
‘The problem comes when people try to make this happen with every image, or build a false facade they feel they have to live up to.’
How to tackle ‘Instagram debt’
The first step is to sit down and work out a weekly or monthly budget.
Be realistic in your goals but also question everything you’re currently spending money on; do you need to spend money in a coffee shop every morning, or can you make your morning drink and breakfast yourself at a fraction of the price?
This period will allow you to reflect on what you want and decide if it’s just a fleeting whim, or if it’s something which will truly be of value to you.
You can also check whether you’re getting the best deal on your utilities, and check on comparison sites at least once annually.
Check your phone contract – do you use all of your data every month, or is there any way you could switch to a cheaper deal?
Sales can be a great way to save money, but be wary not to purchase something just because it’s on sale – check if it’s really something you need.
Now that you’ve got a plan, be realistic on what you can save each week or month, and as soon as you receive your wages put this amount in a reputable savings account. This will stop you from accessing these funds unless necessary.
And if you’ll need a loan, try shopping around for low-cost value loans. When you’re comparing deals, make sure you watch out for the APR and not the amount in repayments you’ll be making.
If you feel that you can’t cope with your debts, the last thing you want to do is ignore them. Seek free professional financial help, or go online to the many self-help websites. However, be aware that debt management companies will often charge you fees for managing your debts.
And lastly, remember not everything you read or see on social media is true!
Diane Patterson, Moneywise
Sara has worked with influencers who have racked up thousands in credit card debt on clothes, hair and makeup to try and create popular images – she says she works with them to help bring them back to who they really are.
‘Sure, there’s an audience for the latest designer handbag or tropical island escape – but with 500 million daily active users, there’s an audience for who you really are, too,’ she adds.
The issue seems to be that social media is exacerbating our deepest insecurities and fuelling a need to present a perfectly polished version of ourselves – that we often can’t afford.
So, maybe the best way to avoid this kind of debt is to step away from these toxic traits of comparison, and learn to be happier with living within our means.
‘Social media presents a version of a truth, not the presentation of the truth,’ The Comparison Coach, Lucy Sheridan tells Metro.co.uk.
‘Someone might be appearing to casually check in at The Ivy for dinner, but the reality is there is nothing casual about it and the dinner is a very carefully planned and saved-up-for event to celebrate a special evening.’
Lucy says social media makes living a vibrant, balanced, exciting life look effortless.
‘The perfect wedding appears without capturing the fights and tantrums that it took to get down the aisle, pictures of luxury trips scroll by without comments on the credit cards being maxed out every day to fund the trip, work promotions are announced minus the details of it taking six less than ideal temp jobs before arriving at the desired career path.
‘Ultimately our social media feels can only capture a snapshot – literally – but this is enough for our self judgement and criticism to cling to in order to bring on feelings of being left behind and not making the most of life.
‘This triggers comparison and self worth issues when we feel we are falling behind or deemed to not be as successful as that cohort when we should be using our own goals and dreams as the measure for our own success.’
Lucy recommends tuning in to the exact posts that are making you feel rubbish, and asking yourself why.
‘The key to getting over the compare and despair of social media is to notice what you notice,’ says Lucy.
‘For example, if travel pictures are making you crave adventure and feel unhappy being at home, that is our cue to look at what we can do to bring adventure into our own lives – whether that is going rock climbing at your local activity centre, or starting a savings account to invest in your own version of a travel experience.’
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