Serena P. is reflecting on her breakup with Matt James. During The Bachelor‘s “Women Tell All” episode on Monday, Serena discussed her reasons for choosing to leave the series after her hometown date.
“There were so many times I thought it could be him and I, if I’m being honest,” she said. “There was a very large part of this journey that I saw it being Matt and I at the end, and I was so hopeful for that for us.”
Serena said she “felt so good” about her relationship with Matt going into hometowns, something she hoped would be reinforced by her family.
“I really was falling in love with him and I really just wanted that reassurance from my family. I was so hopeful that that was going to be the day. I was going to see him with my family and I was going to talk to them,” she said. “… I was hoping that hearing them just kind of reaffirm everything I already knew about Matt was what would help it click.”
While Serena said that her family “did see how amazing Matt was” and noticed their “chemistry” as a couple, they also felt that something “was off” with her.
“Talking to my mom, it brought clarity, it just wasn’t the clarity I was hoping to get that day,” Serena said. “There was this feeling in my gut that I was really scared to trust, because I don’t think I wanted to. I really wanted it to work out with Matt and I. Talking to my mom, all of those feelings kind of boiled over onto the surface.”
“I wasn’t sitting there 100 percent that Matt is my person and he is the man I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with,” she continued. “They could tell something, for me, was off and that seed of doubt really grew from hearing that.”
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Serena said her ultimate decision to leave was “super difficult,” largely because she still cares about Matt “so much,” but she knows it was the right choice.
“Losing him was one thing, but knowing I could be hurting him in the process was just the cherry on top of it all in regards to me feeling hurt and guilty,” she said. “As much as it was really hard, though, I would’ve been doing him a disservice by staying.”
“As much as I deserve to be 100 percent on someone, he deserves to be with someone who’s 100 percent on him and I couldn’t give him that,” Serena added. “He had three other amazing women there, who he deserved to explore those relationships [with]. I was confident that they could give him that.”
Serena noted that she only wishes “the best” for Matt and hopes “he’s happy.”
When Matt joined the women onstage later in the show, he reflected on the ending of his relationship with Serena.
“I was happy that she had come to that conclusion and that she was going to be closer to finding someone that she was compatible with, if it wasn’t me. But it was hard,” he admitted.
Serena agreed that it was “really hard” for her too, but said, “I felt being honest with you was the most respectful thing I could do.”
The Bachelor airs Mondays on ABC.
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