It’s only natural for an adoptive child to want to find out who their birth parents are as they get older.
Some might have questions while others might want to meet them for themselves – but just how do you go about tracing your birth parents?
Dr John Simmonds OBE, director of policy, research and development at adoption and fostering academy CoramBAAF tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Children and young people who have been adopted will often have many questions about their birth parents and other family members including their brothers and sisters. This can include wanting to meet them.
‘For adopted children who have reached 18, they have rights to access information about their adoption and they should contact to their adoption agency to get information and advice on this.’
Every adopted child has a right to know about their history.
Coram’s adoption support team tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Adoption Agencies must keep their information for a 100 years.
‘Those adopted before December 2005 can ask for an “intermediary service” from a Registered Adoption Agency.
‘Those adopted after December 2005 should approach the Local Authority which arranged the adoption, for help and support.’
For those in Scotland and Ireland, there’s also Citizens Advice Scotland and NI Direct which both offer advice on how to trace your birth parents.
But, as it is a life-changing decision, there are some important things to consider.
Get as much information as possible
The Coram team says: ‘We recommend that any adopted person gets as much information as they can, so they can decide whether they want to contact their birth family.
‘Their Adoption Agency will help and support them to do this.’
Speak to your adoptive parents about it
Dr John Simmonds adds: ‘It’s very important that children and young people start by talking to their adoptive parents and to think with them about what might be both safe and helpful.
‘From the adoptive parent’s point of view, they may want to explore this for themselves and they should approach their adoption agency if they are unsure on the next steps.’
It’s very natural for someone who is adopted to want to find out about their birth parents, so don’t be afraid to bring up the topic with your adoptive parents. They also might have information which can help you with your search.
Consider all outcomes
While you might be keen to get in touch with your birth parents, there’s no way of knowing how they will feel about the situation.
It’s therefore important to consider this factor before trying to reach out and whether you’ll be upset or disappointed if the outcome doesn’t go as you hope it will.
Seek support
The Coram team adds: ‘It is very important that a young person has support, either from the adoptive family or a professional, as the process of making contact can be intensely emotional.’
Don’t be afraid to ask people for support during this incredibly personal process.
Adoptive parents can encourage contact from a young age
The Coram team says: ‘It is very important that children start to know and understand about their adoption from a very young age.
‘At Coram we do a lot of work helping adoptive parents talk to their children at different stages of their development and build on this as their children grow and can understand more. We facilitate regular workshops for adoptive parents to help them with this. These workshops are always well attended and appreciated.
‘An exchange of letters throughout childhood between the birth family and the adoptive parents can be very valuable – it can be hugely beneficial for a child to know that their birth parents still think of them and care about what they are doing.’
Coram’s Dos and Don’ts for those looking to contact their birth parents
DO talk to your adoptive parents to find out what information they have.
DO contact the LA (who holds your adoption records) to get more information.
DO be prepared for unexpected results – good and bad.
DO check that any internet sites offering to help adopted people to find relatives are registered as Adoption Support Agencies with OFSTED.
DO make sure to seek support if you make contact.
DO think about what you hope to get from contact.
DON’T We advise not to contact a stranger via social media if you don’t know who they are.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch at [email protected].
Adoption Month
Adoption Month is a month-long series covering all aspects of adoption.
For the next four weeks, which includes National Adoption Week from October 14-19, we will be speaking to people who have been affected by adoption in some way, from those who chose to welcome someone else’s child into their family to others who were that child.
We’ll also be talking to experts in the field and answering as many questions as possible associated with adoption, as well as offering invaluable advice along the way.
If you have a story to tell or want to share any of your own advice please do get in touch at [email protected].
- Why we’re talking about adoption this month
- How to adopt a child – from how long it takes to how you can prepare
- The most Googled questions on adoption, answered
- How long does it take to adopt a child in the UK
- Adoption myths that could be stopping you from starting a family
- How to tell your child they are adopted
Visit our Adoption Month page for more.
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