DEAR DEIDRE: MY best mate told my boyfriend I had cheated on him, and then she seduced him – so he cheated on me with her.
I am 27, my boyfriend is 29 and we have been together for three years. We had a great relationship until now.
An old friend from where we first worked invited me and my best mate to her 30th party, in a pub garden. But I started to feel unwell as we were getting ready so I decided not to go.
I called her to say I wouldn’t be coming but told my boyfriend to go without me.
He wasn’t keen to turn up alone but agreed to go just for a couple of drinks.
My best friend was there and was the natural person for him to spend time with. She’s my age.
He was late back but said it was more fun than he expected and I didn’t query it.
I noticed he was behaving weirdly the next weekend when we were getting ready to go for a few drinks with a few friends, including this best mate.
When we got there he largely ignored my best mate and was actually quite rude to her.
When we got home, I asked what was up and he then confessed what happened at the party.
He and my best friend had loads to drink and she told him I’d cheated on him with an ex while we were first together.
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It only happened a couple of times, three long years ago, but he got very upset about it.
She started comforting him, which turned into kissing. Apparently she asked him back to her place afterwards and they had sex before he staggered home to me.
We had a huge row and I broke up with him but he keeps calling to say he loves me and forgives me — and that he wants me to forgive him too.
I am totally confused and angry with both him and this mate. Should I forgive him? And her?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Maybe your friend was jealous of your relationship.
And maybe your boyfriend felt betrayed, as your cheating with this ex will have felt new and raw to him, even though all that was some time ago.
You say your relationship was great until this shock and your boyfriend clearly wants to save it. So it has to be worth some effort to see if you can both move on and strengthen your commitment to one another.
My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? can help you both. But of course their actions also brought a risk of transmitting coronavirus, so best distance yourself while you sort this out.
Perhaps talk to your friend to see if you end up feeling it was just a drunken mistake – or whether there was some purpose and malice in what she did.
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