I am convinced that my husband is having sex with our childminder.
He swears nothing is going on. Yet I come home from work and can see our bed has been messed up. I find long hairs on the pillow and used tissues in the bin.
He says I’m paranoid and going mad. He rants that the hairs are obviously mine and the tissues are because of his hay fever.
The other day a business meeting ended early, so I returned home without phoning first…
I waved at my kids playing in next door’s garden and let myself in. I called out but no-one answered. I went upstairs and realised that my bloke and my childminder were locked in the bathroom – together. I could hear running water and giggling.
I banged on the door for ages, demanding to know what they were doing.
Eventually he snorted that they were having problems with the stopcock. I think they were having a post-bonk shower.
After a while they came down – red-faced and flustered. When I demanded to know why the door was locked, he said: “Habit.”
I sarcastically asked her which plumbing skills she possessed, and she grabbed her bag and left.
Then he and I had the mother of all rows. He accused me of disrespecting her! The problem is, this isn’t the first time this has happened. He has worked from home for 10 years and always gets too familiar with anyone looking after the kids.
I feel as though I’m losing my mind. I want to trust my gut instinct. Every fibre in my body is telling me that he’s sleeping with this woman. But when he won’t admit it and I have no hard proof, then it’s his word against mine.
Where do I go from here? My kids like this woman and affordable childcare is so hard to find.
JANE SAYS: I’m no Charlie Mullins, but is the stopcock located in the bathroom? Have you checked?
I fear this guy is pulling your chain. He’s playing dirty and can’t even be bothered to lie plausibly.
Whatever was going on in that bathroom wasn’t sanitary, and it wasn’t right.
He can tell you that you’re crazy and paranoid until he is blue in the face, but if your gut is telling you he’s up to something, then you have to listen to it.
Start digging around, trust your instincts and see what you can find.
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Can your neighbours or friends shed any light on this matter? What about your children? Are they regularly left to their own devices? What about their care and safety?
It’s very worrying that you don’t feel able to trust your man and that he’s so quick to shut you down when he’s also let you – and himself – down in the past. Doesn’t he realise that you have to be able to trust him?
Perhaps you need to start working from home, while he goes out into the big wide world? Perhaps some very major changes are required.
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