If you are or ever have been in a relationship, you’re probably familiar with what it’s like to fight with your partner. It sucks, because you love and care for them so much, but sometimes a fight just needs to happen so the two of you can learn and grow. Nevertheless, after a fight, you might be struggling to find ways to recover and get back to normal. Fortunately, there are several ways to show your love after a fight that can help you and your partner get back on track.
It’s not always easy to move on after a fight, and perhaps one partner might need more time than the other. For example, I grew up with all sisters, and we fought all the time. My fiancé, on the other hand, grew up with just one brother and they never really fought with their words. So, it’s always pretty easy for me to move on after a fight because I’m used to it, but my fiancé usually needs more time since he doesn’t handle conflict in the same way.
"One or both partners might ruminate over the fight: what was said, what still needs to be said, reviewing why they are justified and right," Anita A. Chlipala, dating and relationships expert and licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Elite Daily. "This makes it more difficult to empathize with your partner’s perspective and either manage or solve the problem. Some people have a difficult time letting go while others are able to move on quickly."
But, no matter what, Chlipala says there are ways to help each other move forward after a fight. Here’s how.
1. Speak their love language.
After a fight, it can be hard to talk things out, but Chlipala maintains that it’s so important to try and do or say things you know your partner would be receptive toward. "Do something in your partner’s love language," she explains. "Partner’s have good intentions, but their behaviors don’t always hit the mark. Target the ways your partner feels loved in order to have a more positive impact."
Especially after a fight, honing in on your partner’s love language is a great idea.
2. Laugh it off.
Obviously, not all fights are easy to get over in the blink of an eye, but when enough time has passed, Chlipala suggests attempting to laugh it off. "Use humor," she advises. "Humor is an effective way to defuse a fight and repair hurt feelings and inject lightheartedness into tense moments."
Being able to share a laugh after a fight is a great way to get back to your normal.
3. Get it on.
According to Chlipala, having sex after a fight can actually be super healing. "Have makeup sex," she recommends. "Good sex can increase feelings of closeness, trust, and safety." You heard her, get to it!
4. Apologize, and show them you mean it.
It’s so easy to just say you’re sorry without actually meaning it or vowing to make a change. But according to Chlipala, if you give your partner a sincere "I’m sorry," it can really help you both move forward. "Make a genuine apology," she says. "Not one to quickly move on, but [where] you both can acknowledge your responsibility for the fight and what you will try differently next time."
Take stock of what you can work on, and talk it out with your partner. "Swallow your pride and show your partner you care for them by owning up to your blunders," Tyler Turk, CEO and founder of Crated With Love, tells Elite Daily. "Express ways that you can grow and things you could and will do differently in the future. Conflict is never fun, but it can provide opportunities for both individual and mutual growth within your relationship."
5. Take time for just the two of you.
Spending quality time together might seem like the last thing you want to do after a fight, but Turk says it may help. "After a fight, emotions will be raw and you may feel disconnected from each other," he explains. "If this occurs, it’s important to schedule some couple time to reconnect once the tension has simmered." For example, Turk says to "Plan a date night in or a romantic evening out and spend a few moments getting back to where you were before the conflict."
"Every couple argues, but those that take the conflict, grow from it, and focus on strengthening their bond regardless of the obstacles have the strongest relationships," says Turk. Don’t let a fight get you down, show your partner some love afterwards, and you’ll be on the up-and-up before you know it.
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